I posit that there is no way to profit or learn from having cancer, or any number of other horrendous events.
You can learn that life sucks sometimes, and that you previously had no idea how much pain and inconvenience and indignity it was possible to be in. Somehow I don't think that's what the oncologist had in mind. Of course, the oncologist has a vested interest in not hearing patients complain about their cancer and the difficulties of the treatments the oncologist puts them on.
The thing about your support network deserting you strikes at the heart of the matter (in my experience): You must "recover" and stop complaining (i.e. mentioning your problem) as soon as possible because your problem makes other people uncomfortable. It reminds them of their own vulnerability and it marks you as damaged, as having lost status, and thus risky to be around, since this loss of status is contagious.
Yeah. I think there's one other, slightly less damning reason people don't like to hear complaining: They feel like they should be able to do something to make it better, and they can't. The "should be able to do something" is one of society's narratives that's unhelpful.
Seems like in society in general, a support network is a diaphanous and fragile thing, not to be truly relied on
Yep, that's definitely what the narratives around life difficulties told me. And there's some truth to it sometimes, and at other times not.
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You can learn that life sucks sometimes, and that you previously had no idea how much pain and inconvenience and indignity it was possible to be in. Somehow I don't think that's what the oncologist had in mind. Of course, the oncologist has a vested interest in not hearing patients complain about their cancer and the difficulties of the treatments the oncologist puts them on.
The thing about your support network deserting you strikes at the heart of the matter (in my experience): You must "recover" and stop complaining (i.e. mentioning your problem) as soon as possible because your problem makes other people uncomfortable. It reminds them of their own vulnerability and it marks you as damaged, as having lost status, and thus risky to be around, since this loss of status is contagious.
Yeah. I think there's one other, slightly less damning reason people don't like to hear complaining: They feel like they should be able to do something to make it better, and they can't. The "should be able to do something" is one of society's narratives that's unhelpful.
Seems like in society in general, a support network is a diaphanous and fragile thing, not to be truly relied on
Yep, that's definitely what the narratives around life difficulties told me. And there's some truth to it sometimes, and at other times not.
I'm glad we're networked up!