Seen in many places

[firecat]

A lot has been said about how to prevent rape.
Women should learn self-defense.
Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark.
Women shouldn't have long hair and women shouldn't wear short skirts.
Women shouldn't leave drinks unattended. Fuck, they shouldn't dare to get drunk at all.

Instead of that bullshit, how about:

If a woman is drunk, don't rape her.

If a woman is walking alone at night, don't rape her.
If a women is drugged and unconscious, don't rape her.
If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don't rape her.
If a woman is jogging in a park at 5 a.m., don't rape her.
If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you're still hung up on, don't rape her.
If a woman is asleep in her bed, don't rape her.
If a woman is asleep in your bed, don't rape her.
If a woman is doing her laundry, don't rape her.
If a woman is in a coma, don't rape her.
If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don't rape her.
If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don't rape her.
If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don't rape her.
If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don't rape her.
If your step-daughter is watching TV, don't rape her.
If you break into a house and find a woman there, don't rape her.
If your friend thinks it's okay to rape someone, tell him it's not, and that he's not your friend.
If your "friend" tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
If your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there's an unconscious woman upstairs and it's your turn, don't rape her, call the police and report him as a rapist.
Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, and sons of friends that it's not okay to rape someone.

Don't just tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
Don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x, y or z.
Don't imply that it's in any way her fault.
Don't let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he "got some" with the drunk girl.
Don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can, too, help yourself.

My comment reposted from clawfoot's journal:

It makes sense to read male-bashing in the meme. At the same time - only five of the suggestions even include references to men. The rest are just as applicable to anyone who rapes or considers rape, regardless of sex.

It does bug me that the five suggestions using male nouns and pronouns imply only the raping of women by men is worth discussing. OTOH, I also see the point when people say that the raping of women by men occurs much more often than other kinds of rape and thus deserves more discussion.

But I think both of these things - "rape is an integral and constant element of the male psyche," singling out rape-of-women-by-men for discussion - occur partly because men-raping-women is "an integral and constant element of" our culture. Other sorts of rapes occur and are equally horrible (if not more so because of their invisibility) but the culture doesn't get as excited over them.

I think it's unfortunate that the meme essentially perpetuates this men-raping-women cluster-of-ideas-thoughts-and-imagery by presenting a list of situations where one is invited to visualize a woman's getting raped.

I also very much agree with one part of its message: Rape is not the fault of the person who gets raped.

Comments

[gconnor.livejournal.com]

It makes sense to read male-bashing in the meme.

I'm male and I didn't read it as male-bashing. Even if the message is targetted at men, it doesn't contain any generalizations like "Men are natural born rapists". If the method of delivery implies "Men need this advice to keep from becoming rapists" then that would be slightly leaning toward a type of bashing, but as presented here it doesn't ring that way to me.


using male nouns and pronouns imply only the raping of women by men is worth discussing

Well, presentation of a message that certain people need to hear is not the same as saying "other messages are not worth presenting". Saying "Women: protect yourselves" is not to say "Men: You don't need protection". Certainly saying one message over and over may imply an emphasis on that specific message, but doesn't exclude other messages. Same goes for "Men: Don't rape women" - it doesn't imply that men raping men or boys is OK.

(It's possible that this was in response to something else in the other/original entry that I'm not seeing here...)


"rape is an integral and constant element of the male psyche,"

wtf, who said that? Rape is not an element of my psyche, certainly not an integral and constant one. *That* part qualifies as male-bashing. I'm guessing that the original writer of that meant it as more of a straw-man that needed to be disputed, rather than any kind of a statement about how men actually think/feel/believe/behave.

I think we have emotions by way of being animals, and we have the power to assert intellect and willpower between our emotions and our behavior by way of being human. I also think that if a person has a tendency to behave a certain way without engaging thoughts and conscious decision first, that means he/she hasn't received the proper training necessary to qualify as "human". Therefore, someone who rapes another person and then says "But, but, but she was wearing a short skirt!!!1" as far as I'm concerned, he is not human.


I also very much agree with one part of its message: Rape is not the fault of the person who gets raped.

Oh yeah, definitely. Hear hear! There's a difference between advice that tells people to protect themselves, and saying it's their fault if they don't. Some people misread helpful advice as scolding those who don't follow it. That seems to be the whole point behind the meme. (Makes it kind of a counter-meme I guess :)

[pure-agnostic.livejournal.com]

rape is an integral and constant element of the male psyche
I've heard that one also, and I agree with your response to it. It is just like when I've heard that "keeping the black man down is an essential part of white culture". I think both statements are equally wrong in that they assume that it is important for being white or male to oppress nonwhites and women.

[firecat]

See my reply to the comment you responded to.

[firecat]

wtf, who said that? Rape is not an element of my psyche, certainly not an integral and constant one. *That* part qualifies as male-bashing. I'm guessing that the original writer of that meant it as more of a straw-man that needed to be disputed, rather than any kind of a statement about how men actually think/feel/believe/behave.

Sorry to be unclear.

The original poster who used that phrase criticized the meme on the grounds that it implied "rape is an integral and constant element of the male psyche."

[gconnor.livejournal.com]

Right, that's what I was assuming from the context.

It looks like the person who originally said that was falling victim to a fallacy:
"A is true."
"By telling me A is true, you must be implying that I am ignorant of A. By emphasizing A to all men, you must be implying that all men are naturally ignorant of A and in need of help understanding A. I resent the implication!"
"Hang on, I'm not implying that, I'm just saying A because someone else was saying B and leaving out A"

I often think that reasonable people disagree on matters of emphasis and priority/ordering, more than they disagree on the basics. Unfortunately, stating something as an absolute or as a generalization is a common way to emphasize something, and even if they're not stating something as a generalization, sometimes the reader infers it anyway. In this case I think it wasn't stated or even implied, but the critic read some motive into it that wasn't there. Sigh.

Anyway, I agree with pretty much everything you posted. And I appreciate the food for thought. All is well.

[firecat]

In this case I think it wasn't stated or even implied, but the critic read some motive into it that wasn't there.

Right, and I think part of the reason that got read in is because of the larger context of the discussion in our culture.