Since I've had cancer and will deal with the after-effects for the rest of my life, the quotation from the oncologist was particularly interesting to me:
Whatever has happened, you can choose to whine and complain about it, or to profit and learn from the experience. Whining is not only unproductive, it also pushes away your support network. Friends and colleagues will listen for just so long, but then it is time to move on.
I posit that there is no way to profit or learn from having cancer, or any number of other horrendous events. (If you're one of those folks who feels "blessed" by having a serious health problem that teaches you the meaning of life, lucky you. I don't feel that way.) A doctor who suggests that there is is disingenuous and condescending beyond belief. To state that a person who "chooses" not to profit and learn from such an experience must be "whining and complaining" is ridiculous -- and condescending beyond belief.
The thing about your support network deserting you strikes at the heart of the matter (in my experience): You must "recover" and stop complaining (i.e. mentioning your problem) as soon as possible because your problem makes other people uncomfortable. It reminds them of their own vulnerability and it marks you as damaged, as having lost status, and thus risky to be around, since this loss of status is contagious.
(The larger political implications are quite interesting as well.)
The nature of a "support network" is an interesting issue. Seems like in society in general, a support network is a diaphanous and fragile thing, not to be truly relied on for fear it will evaporate, as the oncologist threatens. It's definitely a threat that victims must live with -- the loss of their support network due to their own unworthiness.
I feel fortunate that to have a real support network, where nobody is going to leave because one of us is complaining too much. It's a pretty small network, but I treasure it. (O hai firecat!)
no subject
Since I've had cancer and will deal with the after-effects for the rest of my life, the quotation from the oncologist was particularly interesting to me:
Whatever has happened, you can choose to whine and complain about it, or to profit and learn from the experience. Whining is not only unproductive, it also pushes away your support network. Friends and colleagues will listen for just so long, but then it is time to move on.
I posit that there is no way to profit or learn from having cancer, or any number of other horrendous events. (If you're one of those folks who feels "blessed" by having a serious health problem that teaches you the meaning of life, lucky you. I don't feel that way.) A doctor who suggests that there is is disingenuous and condescending beyond belief. To state that a person who "chooses" not to profit and learn from such an experience must be "whining and complaining" is ridiculous -- and condescending beyond belief.
The thing about your support network deserting you strikes at the heart of the matter (in my experience): You must "recover" and stop complaining (i.e. mentioning your problem) as soon as possible because your problem makes other people uncomfortable. It reminds them of their own vulnerability and it marks you as damaged, as having lost status, and thus risky to be around, since this loss of status is contagious.
(The larger political implications are quite interesting as well.)
The nature of a "support network" is an interesting issue. Seems like in society in general, a support network is a diaphanous and fragile thing, not to be truly relied on for fear it will evaporate, as the oncologist threatens. It's definitely a threat that victims must live with -- the loss of their support network due to their own unworthiness.
I feel fortunate that to have a real support network, where nobody is going to leave because one of us is complaining too much. It's a pretty small network, but I treasure it. (O hai firecat!)