![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Fat, But Not Like Me
The fat-acceptance mailing lists have been discussing this TV special called "Fat Like Me" where a "popular" and thin high school girl puts on a fat suit that makes her look like she weighs 200 pounds. She goes to a new high school and records her experiences.
The show's message is that being a fat child is a social nightmare and therefore families should do everything they can to make their children thin. (Never mind changing society's attitudes toward fat, of course.)
One post mentioned that the girl experienced a loss of self-esteem even though she wasn't "really" fat, and went on to mention a similar phenomenon among people who take on the role of a homeless person (e.g., journalists or police who go undercover).
My post :
When I try something new, my esteem usually suffers temporarily. It usually gets over it.
A person who decides to play at being fat (or homeless, or whatever) is fundamentally different from someone for whom being fat is a daily fact of life. A person who has a real trait or circumstance that causes them to be perceived as outside mainstream society needs to develop ways of dealing with it. It takes a long time to develop some of these approaches. And some of them make the person better and stronger. (I certainly rather like my personality, and it's fundamentally tied up in my having been perceived as fat for most of my life and dealing with the consequences thereof.)
Why are these stories always about normal people struggling with the first day of a sudden change in how the world perceives them? Why don't they ask actual fat people what it's like to be fat all the time, or
actual homeless people what it's like to be homeless tomorrow as well as tonight?
The reason is that people want a nice fairy tale ending to the story - "and she took her fat suit off and became thin but wiser" or "and the reporter went home to his nice warm bed but wiser." People don't want to think about cost of what it might take to change a person's circumstances - especially if they themselves might have to bear those costs, by changing their attitudes toward fat people, or by giving up some money so that more services can be provided to homeless people.
Another thing I wonder: how does the knowledge that one can take off the fat suit, or go home to a warm bed any time if one *really* wanted to, change how a person approaches a situation?
When I read about how miserable Gwynyth Paltrow was walking into a hotel lobby in her fat suit that she wore for the movie Shallow Hal ("no one looked at me! no one should have to experience that horrible fate!"), I rolled my eyes - "if you think that it's a fundamental human right to be noticed and worshiped by strangers, you have a pretty skewed view of the world."
And if I were able to play at looking like Gwynyth Paltrow for a day, I think I'd be just as kerfluffled by the way I was treated as she was in the reverse situation. The notion of having people fussing over me and looking at me wherever I go and worshiping me gives me the screaming heebie jeebies. (I do like a little worship by worthwhile people, though. ;-)
The show's message is that being a fat child is a social nightmare and therefore families should do everything they can to make their children thin. (Never mind changing society's attitudes toward fat, of course.)
One post mentioned that the girl experienced a loss of self-esteem even though she wasn't "really" fat, and went on to mention a similar phenomenon among people who take on the role of a homeless person (e.g., journalists or police who go undercover).
My post :
When I try something new, my esteem usually suffers temporarily. It usually gets over it.
A person who decides to play at being fat (or homeless, or whatever) is fundamentally different from someone for whom being fat is a daily fact of life. A person who has a real trait or circumstance that causes them to be perceived as outside mainstream society needs to develop ways of dealing with it. It takes a long time to develop some of these approaches. And some of them make the person better and stronger. (I certainly rather like my personality, and it's fundamentally tied up in my having been perceived as fat for most of my life and dealing with the consequences thereof.)
Why are these stories always about normal people struggling with the first day of a sudden change in how the world perceives them? Why don't they ask actual fat people what it's like to be fat all the time, or
actual homeless people what it's like to be homeless tomorrow as well as tonight?
The reason is that people want a nice fairy tale ending to the story - "and she took her fat suit off and became thin but wiser" or "and the reporter went home to his nice warm bed but wiser." People don't want to think about cost of what it might take to change a person's circumstances - especially if they themselves might have to bear those costs, by changing their attitudes toward fat people, or by giving up some money so that more services can be provided to homeless people.
Another thing I wonder: how does the knowledge that one can take off the fat suit, or go home to a warm bed any time if one *really* wanted to, change how a person approaches a situation?
When I read about how miserable Gwynyth Paltrow was walking into a hotel lobby in her fat suit that she wore for the movie Shallow Hal ("no one looked at me! no one should have to experience that horrible fate!"), I rolled my eyes - "if you think that it's a fundamental human right to be noticed and worshiped by strangers, you have a pretty skewed view of the world."
And if I were able to play at looking like Gwynyth Paltrow for a day, I think I'd be just as kerfluffled by the way I was treated as she was in the reverse situation. The notion of having people fussing over me and looking at me wherever I go and worshiping me gives me the screaming heebie jeebies. (I do like a little worship by worthwhile people, though. ;-)
no subject
It really scares me how much "thin is better" is being taught to children. This weekend, Rosa made two comments calling me fat, and I could tell she meant it in a bad way. The first time, Fi pointed out to her that there was nothing wrong with being fat. The second time, Rosa changed the word to "silly" when I asked her what she said (Fi didn't hear that one). I know darn well she's learning that from school (at least I'm assuming she's not learning it from her father), and it saddens me, because if a 3-year old is already learning that "fat=bad", and that's just wrong. She was corrected, but I have no clue if she would also be corrected by anyone other than Fi and her loves. But, given that 5 of those loves are large, and Rosa loves us, maybe she'll not be conditioned.
The notion of having people fussing over me and looking at me wherever I go and worshiping me gives me the screaming heebie jeebies.
What would bother me about that, I think, is that it's being done because of how I look, not because of who I am. Ewwww.
no subject
no subject
I think there is some truth to kids being taught prejuduce, but I think there's also an ingrown "don't like anything that's different than me" attitude. And, of course, the pack mentality. I was just caught off guard, because I've spent a lot of time with Rosa, and she's never said anything like that before.
no subject
I do remember being very surprised when a 6yo child was allowed to call his mother a "mean ole pig" and get away with it; by the time we were 6, we were expected to treat adults with respect. We were also expected to politely question any adult bullshitting us, of course, but we were expected to treat them as though we respected them.
no subject
In my experience, lots of kids, both kids I know and complete passing strangers, comment on my being fat, and I usually try to answer with, "Yes, and I like it." or "Yes. Do you like how it looks?" or "Yes, it makes me cuddly." Something along those lines.
Kate Bornstein says that more kids comment on her visibility as a transperson than adults do, and she thinks most of them are trying to figure out how to fit her in their mental maps.
no subject
In my experience, lots of kids, both kids I know and complete passing strangers, comment on my being fat, and I usually try to answer with, "Yes, and I like it." or "Yes. Do you like how it looks?" or "Yes, it makes me cuddly." Something along those lines.
Kate Bornstein says that more kids comment on her visibility as a transperson than adults do, and she thinks most of them are trying to figure out how to fit her in their mental maps.
no subject
In my experience, lots of kids, both kids I know and complete passing strangers, comment on my being fat, and I usually try to answer with, "Yes, and I like it." or "Yes. Do you like how it looks?" or "Yes, it makes me cuddly." Something along those lines.
Kate Bornstein says that more kids comment on her visibility as a transperson than adults do, and she thinks most of them are trying to figure out how to fit her in their mental maps.
no subject
no subject
(BTW, I occasionally post fat-related grumpiness/letters/poetry/whatever on a second filter that I don't know that you're on - would you like to be added to it?)
I never expected to be a fat activist, but then I thought, "I'm fat, I'm an activist, why not?"
no subject
If someone had told 17 year old me that I would be a 42 year old activist, I would have laughed unbelievingly. I think activism is very much not my nature, but I do quite a bit of it, so I guess my self-image is incomplete.
no subject
These are the specific posts
http://www.livejournal.com/users/sistercoyote/347749.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/sistercoyote/344460.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/sistercoyote/336910.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/sistercoyote/334787.html#cutid1
They're in reverse chronological order. As you might guess from the numbers. :)
Re: These are the specific posts
and stef, that was a great response!
Re: These are the specific posts
Be warned, though, it's not all fat bitching.
Sometimes, it's just bitching. Or noodling about my struggle to be me...stuff like that. :)
Re: These are the specific posts
your struggle to be you is fine with me--thank you for adding me.
no subject
I think there's a real xenophobia type thing going on with these experiments. The newspaper writers assume that they wouldn't be able to find a *real* homeless person who is capable of writing a literate meaningful story, or that if there is such a person, he or she would be very difficult to deal with and would make them uncomfortable.
Or maybe they think it would be embarrassing for them, or would appear tactless, to solicit a first-person story "Hey! You're fat/black/poor! Wanna tell us about it?" and would somehow be less emotionally risky for them to just find a "pretend" fat/black/poor person.
Oh, I don't really do people-worship, but I'm sending you some admiration. ;-)
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
If you're fat, it's because you eat too much. If you're homeless, it's because you're lazy. If you're black or disabled, well, that's evidence that there's something morally wrong with you. Probably. But I think there's a sneaking little cultural belief that those judgments don't apply to everyone in those groups, just "most of those people."
But if you're pretending to be one of those things, then you don't deserve the bad treatment "those people" get, and readers/viewers can legitimately sympathize with you, and can equate you in their minds with the real ones who don't deserve it.
Creepy, ain't it.
no subject
Right, that too.
no subject
Whereas someone who goes from not-X to X in a short time can more clearly contrast the two. It's not always a bad thing, though it's also not always done well. I remember as a child reading about Nelly Bly's investigation of the women's asylum, where she pretended to be insane in order to see what it was like inside. She was there for at least a week, if I recall.
no subject
I learned some very interesting things from the time I went out and tried to talk to a stranger when I had a face full of novocaine and the stranger thought I was retarded, and from when I cut my hair to an inch long and people began to cross the street to avoid me because a tall frowning woman with no hair and a biker jacket can look kind of scary.
Since both took me very much by surprise--I hadn't planned for these reactions--I may have gotten more out of it than a girl deliberately wearing a fat suit might have done.
no subject
I lost nearly 100 lbs when I started taking an anti-seizure medication for migraine prevention. The other side effects of the drug were anxiety, depression, sleep disturbance, and hair loss...I was feeling awful, and only continued taking the stuff because it was the only treatment I'd found that helped at all to reduce the intensity of my continuous migraines. It was very unsettling to realize how differently people treated me when my body changed from extra-large to medium. Not just strangers, but family, and (appallingly) medical professionals. They were far more respectful in general. They insisted "you must be feeling better, you look so much better." (When I was too weak to stand up and my hair was coming out in handfuls.) They took my complaints of pain much more seriously than they had when I was fat. Thanks to careful choice of friends, my friends did not treat me very differently.
I know someone who had something like the opposite experience. After a terrible car accident, she was bedridden and in a wheelchair for a long time, and gained a lot of weight. People treated her very, very, differently after that...assuming she had become stupid or morally weak.
I know both of us are pretty atypical. Most people gain weight slowly, and don't lose it. But if you want realistic perspectives, I think it would be better to advertise for people who have gained or lost a lot of weight in the last year (or in the year before moving to a new city or starting a new school or job, to replicate the conditions of the article) and then interview them about their experiences.
no subject
I didn't say that.
I did say that, done well, placing someone in a context they would not normally be in can be informative/educational, and also that artificially giving people traits they normally lack can be one way to control the other variables involved. It is not the only way, and it is often not done well.
no subject
I lost nearly 100 lbs when I started taking an anti-seizure medication for migraine prevention. The other side effects of the drug were anxiety, depression, sleep disturbance, and hair loss...I was feeling awful, and only continued taking the stuff because it was the only treatment I'd found that helped at all to reduce the intensity of my continuous migraines. It was very unsettling to realize how differently people treated me when my body changed from extra-large to medium. Not just strangers, but family, and (appallingly) medical professionals. They were far more respectful in general. They insisted "you must be feeling better, you look so much better." (When I was too weak to stand up and my hair was coming out in handfuls.) They took my complaints of pain much more seriously than they had when I was fat. Thanks to careful choice of friends, my friends did not treat me very differently.
I know someone who had something like the opposite experience. After a terrible car accident, she was bedridden and in a wheelchair for a long time, and gained a lot of weight. People treated her very, very, differently after that...assuming she had become stupid or morally weak.
I know both of us are pretty atypical. Most people gain weight slowly, and don't lose it. But if you want realistic perspectives, I think it would be better to advertise for people who have gained or lost a lot of weight in the last year (or in the year before moving to a new city or starting a new school or job, to replicate the conditions of the article) and then interview them about their experiences.
no subject
I lost nearly 100 lbs when I started taking an anti-seizure medication for migraine prevention. The other side effects of the drug were anxiety, depression, sleep disturbance, and hair loss...I was feeling awful, and only continued taking the stuff because it was the only treatment I'd found that helped at all to reduce the intensity of my continuous migraines. It was very unsettling to realize how differently people treated me when my body changed from extra-large to medium. Not just strangers, but family, and (appallingly) medical professionals. They were far more respectful in general. They insisted "you must be feeling better, you look so much better." (When I was too weak to stand up and my hair was coming out in handfuls.) They took my complaints of pain much more seriously than they had when I was fat. Thanks to careful choice of friends, my friends did not treat me very differently.
I know someone who had something like the opposite experience. After a terrible car accident, she was bedridden and in a wheelchair for a long time, and gained a lot of weight. People treated her very, very, differently after that...assuming she had become stupid or morally weak.
I know both of us are pretty atypical. Most people gain weight slowly, and don't lose it. But if you want realistic perspectives, I think it would be better to advertise for people who have gained or lost a lot of weight in the last year (or in the year before moving to a new city or starting a new school or job, to replicate the conditions of the article) and then interview them about their experiences.
no subject
I lost nearly 100 lbs when I started taking an anti-seizure medication for migraine prevention. The other side effects of the drug were anxiety, depression, sleep disturbance, and hair loss...I was feeling awful, and only continued taking the stuff because it was the only treatment I'd found that helped at all to reduce the intensity of my continuous migraines. It was very unsettling to realize how differently people treated me when my body changed from extra-large to medium. Not just strangers, but family, and (appallingly) medical professionals. They were far more respectful in general. They insisted "you must be feeling better, you look so much better." (When I was too weak to stand up and my hair was coming out in handfuls.) They took my complaints of pain much more seriously than they had when I was fat. Thanks to careful choice of friends, my friends did not treat me very differently.
I know someone who had something like the opposite experience. After a terrible car accident, she was bedridden and in a wheelchair for a long time, and gained a lot of weight. People treated her very, very, differently after that...assuming she had become stupid or morally weak.
I know both of us are pretty atypical. Most people gain weight slowly, and don't lose it. But if you want realistic perspectives, I think it would be better to advertise for people who have gained or lost a lot of weight in the last year (or in the year before moving to a new city or starting a new school or job, to replicate the conditions of the article) and then interview them about their experiences.
no subject
I lost nearly 100 lbs when I started taking an anti-seizure medication for migraine prevention. The other side effects of the drug were anxiety, depression, sleep disturbance, and hair loss...I was feeling awful, and only continued taking the stuff because it was the only treatment I'd found that helped at all to reduce the intensity of my continuous migraines. It was very unsettling to realize how differently people treated me when my body changed from extra-large to medium. Not just strangers, but family, and (appallingly) medical professionals. They were far more respectful in general. They insisted "you must be feeling better, you look so much better." (When I was too weak to stand up and my hair was coming out in handfuls.) They took my complaints of pain much more seriously than they had when I was fat. Thanks to careful choice of friends, my friends did not treat me very differently.
I know someone who had something like the opposite experience. After a terrible car accident, she was bedridden and in a wheelchair for a long time, and gained a lot of weight. People treated her very, very, differently after that...assuming she had become stupid or morally weak.
I know both of us are pretty atypical. Most people gain weight slowly, and don't lose it. But if you want realistic perspectives, I think it would be better to advertise for people who have gained or lost a lot of weight in the last year (or in the year before moving to a new city or starting a new school or job, to replicate the conditions of the article) and then interview them about their experiences.
no subject
I agree it's not always a bad thing. (I read the Nelly Bly thing too.) The problems as I see them are (1) there's rarely an acknowledgement that the experiences of someone pretending to be X can't possibly be the same as the experiences of someone who is X all the time; and (2) this type of story seems to be more common than stories about people who actually are X all the time.
no subject
no subject
no subject
But you are.
no subject
I was so glad I hadn't rented their damned earphones. Oh, maybe there was a story of human love and understanding in there, but without the audio, it was one long fat joke.
This particular take on "reality" TV makes me cringe even most. What the producers don't seem to understand (or, on second thought, maybe they do) is that their version of reality ... isn't.