Beauty, self esteem, and bullying

[firecat]

http://www.thenation.com/blog/169208/upside-ugly

I'm not crazy about the title of this article ("The Upside of Ugly"). It talks about a girl who was bullied for her looks, and whose cosmetic surgery was funded by a nonprofit organization that helps children with facial deformities. There's a before and after picture of her. In the before picture, her ears stick out and in the after picture, they don't.

I feel angry about this, but I think it's misdirection to feel angry at the girl for wanting the surgery or her mother for seeking it or the organization for funding it. I am angry that my society promotes the idea that the girl in the before picture is "ugly" and the idea that the best way to address bullying is to change the traits that are the target for bullying.

I somewhat like this quote:

There may be a bit of head-shaking over young girls going to drastic measures to feel beautiful, but we never seem to question the idea that feeling beautiful is a worthy goal in the first place. We should tell girls the truth: “Beautiful” is bullshit, a standard created to make women into good consumers, too busy wallowing in self-loathing to notice that we’re second class citizens.

Girls don't need more self-esteem or feel-good mantras about loving themselves—what they need is a serious dose of righteous anger. But instead of teaching young women to recognize and utilize their very justifiable rage, we tell them to smile and love themselves.

However, I don't agree with the "one-true-wayism" of the quote. I think it's fine to have "beauty" as an interest or hobby. Where I do agree with the quote is that I think pursuing beauty should not be a requirement.

I feel like I'm swimming upstream though. I fear that most people and societies will always rank attractiveness and will always be more accommodating to people who are perceived as more attractive.

(And just to completely negate everything I wrote other than the penultimate paragraph: I think the girl in the before picture is more attractive.)

Comments

[andrewducker]

I think it's fine to find different people attractive. My main problem is with the monoculture which says that I have to find the same thing attractive as you do, or that people _are_ attractive, rather than "some people find that particular look attractive". Beauty is a judgement call, and everyone has different judgement - it's when we're sold the line that everyone likes the same thing, so everyone who wants to be appreciated needs to fit into the same niche that we get really toxic problems.

[cleverthylacine]

this to the infinite power!

[firecat]

My main problem is with the monoculture that says "As a woman, you had better care about your attractiveness at least as much as anything else in your life."

And secondary to that, I have a problem with "There's only one form of attractiveness." That's secondary because even if that changes, the first one is still in force.