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OKCupid noodling
Heck has frozen over—the OH has actually joined a social networking site. OKCupid no less. So I have been playing with my account over there a bit more (firecat). It gives me a sense I'm not sure I want about how fucked up and/or out of the mainstream, depending on how you look at it, I am when it comes to forming potentially romantic relationships.
I have occasionally sent people messages about something they said on their profile, and either they don't reply, or they reply saying "I'm not interested," which I find offensive. (In these messages I don't propose anything to which it makes sense to reply "I'm not interested." I just say I like something on their profile.)
Both responses make me think that a lot of people assume a private message is an expression of potential romantic interest. And of course, the way OKC is set up encourages such thinking, so I shouldn't be surprised. But to my way of thinking, people's profiles on OKC tend to have more conversation-starters than the profiles people post on LJ and other social networking sites I frequent. (I think it's the "I spend a lot of time thinking about..." field that does it.) So I find it frustrating that I haven't been able to start conversations.
They have this feature called "quiver" (as in a container for arrows, I guess) that sends you matches whether you want them or not, and it sits up at the top of the browser window with a little "3" in it. As I am a bit of an obsessive, that drives me crazy. So I feel obligated to send those people messages or click "No thanks" to make the number go away. And it keeps sending me people I know in real life. Some of them are people I like well enough but with whom I haven't felt the urge to initiate "I'm attracted to you" or "I'd like to get to know you better" communications. I feel like if I tell OKC I'm not interested in them, that will mess up OKC's match algorithm. I suppose it doesn't matter.
I know that some folks spend a lot of time having conversations using the blogging feature, but I haven't figured out how to follow such conversations easily.
I have occasionally sent people messages about something they said on their profile, and either they don't reply, or they reply saying "I'm not interested," which I find offensive. (In these messages I don't propose anything to which it makes sense to reply "I'm not interested." I just say I like something on their profile.)
Both responses make me think that a lot of people assume a private message is an expression of potential romantic interest. And of course, the way OKC is set up encourages such thinking, so I shouldn't be surprised. But to my way of thinking, people's profiles on OKC tend to have more conversation-starters than the profiles people post on LJ and other social networking sites I frequent. (I think it's the "I spend a lot of time thinking about..." field that does it.) So I find it frustrating that I haven't been able to start conversations.
They have this feature called "quiver" (as in a container for arrows, I guess) that sends you matches whether you want them or not, and it sits up at the top of the browser window with a little "3" in it. As I am a bit of an obsessive, that drives me crazy. So I feel obligated to send those people messages or click "No thanks" to make the number go away. And it keeps sending me people I know in real life. Some of them are people I like well enough but with whom I haven't felt the urge to initiate "I'm attracted to you" or "I'd like to get to know you better" communications. I feel like if I tell OKC I'm not interested in them, that will mess up OKC's match algorithm. I suppose it doesn't matter.
I know that some folks spend a lot of time having conversations using the blogging feature, but I haven't figured out how to follow such conversations easily.
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So does this mean it's Lynx-friendly?
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Nope it's not particularly lynx-friendly. Like I said, heck has frozen.
He is, however, using it with images turned off.
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When all is said and done, a machine that does my flirting for me is not going to flirt any better than I can myself.
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[giggle] Yeah
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While I've had dates with two men from OKC, neither turned out to be someone I'd even want to be friends with, let alone date. Lots of people (men and women) look at my profile, but very few ever message me, and most of those have been 25-year-olds from Oman or Turkey.
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Or at least how women who are so awesomely cool that many people are unable to see their awesomeness do. :-)
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allow me to protest
about how fucked up and/or out of the mainstream
you are so totally NOT fucked up when it comes to relationships. yes, you're out of the mainstream. which is a good thing, because the mainstream sucks at relationships.
Re: allow me to protest
I don't think I'm fucked up about maintaining relationships once they start. I think there are some differences (at least at the moment) in how I approach forming romantic relationships compared to how a lot of my peers do it, and sometimes I think it means I have, um, hangups? Sometimes I think it doesn't matter and/or I think my way is better.
I suppose I could write a post about this sometime. Maybe I will start a community first:
slow_poke_polys_with_obscure_sex_drives_and_fear_of_making_commitments_that_might_prove_
incompatible_with_their_sanity
On another subject, I was looking at your manga collection tool and it appears you haven't tried Haibane Renmei yet. :)
Re: allow me to protest
incompatible_with_their_sanity
*sporfle*
Um. Presently, /me shyly raises hand
Totally baffled that OH is exploring OKC.
Re: allow me to protest
Re: allow me to protest
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Recently someone messaged me about BDSM, and I explained that I'd be happy to help zir with technical questions and figuring out the local scene, but that I am not looking for love, sex, play, or romance of any sort. We were going to get together for coffee, but it hasn't happened. My bet is that he found someone to play with him and no longer wants mere advice.
As for the blogs, my sole entry directs the reader to check out my LJ.
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It does seem a bit odd that the OH would be there.
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Oddly enough, I'm here because
Anyway, OKC. I have been on there quite a while, done quite a lot of questions, taken a few tests, but as-yet haven't actually made a new connection from it. Though maybe
Typically I tend to find that the sort of people that message me on OKC are straight men. I'm actually queer-identified, bi, trans, poly and a bunch of other things that typically makes straight men blow a few fuses. I do date men from time to time (have a date with a very nice one this evening, no less!), but they tend to be at the queer end of the queer spectrum. All my long term relationships to-date have been with queer women. I've typically found that if I message people on OKC (unless I actually know them already) I don't get a reply, or I'll maybe get a reply and a conversation will start go fairly well for a while, then they will read my profile and say, "Oh gosh! Look at the time! I'm late for an ear-perming appointment and the cat's just eaten the lizard. So very sorry! Nice talking to you."
So, anyway. I manage to be reasonably popular *without* OKC, somehow. This is actually a fairly recent thing, I certainly don't remember ever being popular significantly before I moved to the bay area.
That said, pleased to meet you,
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