OKCupid noodling
30 Dec 2008 04:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
firecatHeck has frozen over—the OH has actually joined a social networking site. OKCupid no less. So I have been playing with my account over there a bit more (firecat). It gives me a sense I'm not sure I want about how fucked up and/or out of the mainstream, depending on how you look at it, I am when it comes to forming potentially romantic relationships.
I have occasionally sent people messages about something they said on their profile, and either they don't reply, or they reply saying "I'm not interested," which I find offensive. (In these messages I don't propose anything to which it makes sense to reply "I'm not interested." I just say I like something on their profile.)
Both responses make me think that a lot of people assume a private message is an expression of potential romantic interest. And of course, the way OKC is set up encourages such thinking, so I shouldn't be surprised. But to my way of thinking, people's profiles on OKC tend to have more conversation-starters than the profiles people post on LJ and other social networking sites I frequent. (I think it's the "I spend a lot of time thinking about..." field that does it.) So I find it frustrating that I haven't been able to start conversations.
They have this feature called "quiver" (as in a container for arrows, I guess) that sends you matches whether you want them or not, and it sits up at the top of the browser window with a little "3" in it. As I am a bit of an obsessive, that drives me crazy. So I feel obligated to send those people messages or click "No thanks" to make the number go away. And it keeps sending me people I know in real life. Some of them are people I like well enough but with whom I haven't felt the urge to initiate "I'm attracted to you" or "I'd like to get to know you better" communications. I feel like if I tell OKC I'm not interested in them, that will mess up OKC's match algorithm. I suppose it doesn't matter.
I know that some folks spend a lot of time having conversations using the blogging feature, but I haven't figured out how to follow such conversations easily.
I have occasionally sent people messages about something they said on their profile, and either they don't reply, or they reply saying "I'm not interested," which I find offensive. (In these messages I don't propose anything to which it makes sense to reply "I'm not interested." I just say I like something on their profile.)
Both responses make me think that a lot of people assume a private message is an expression of potential romantic interest. And of course, the way OKC is set up encourages such thinking, so I shouldn't be surprised. But to my way of thinking, people's profiles on OKC tend to have more conversation-starters than the profiles people post on LJ and other social networking sites I frequent. (I think it's the "I spend a lot of time thinking about..." field that does it.) So I find it frustrating that I haven't been able to start conversations.
They have this feature called "quiver" (as in a container for arrows, I guess) that sends you matches whether you want them or not, and it sits up at the top of the browser window with a little "3" in it. As I am a bit of an obsessive, that drives me crazy. So I feel obligated to send those people messages or click "No thanks" to make the number go away. And it keeps sending me people I know in real life. Some of them are people I like well enough but with whom I haven't felt the urge to initiate "I'm attracted to you" or "I'd like to get to know you better" communications. I feel like if I tell OKC I'm not interested in them, that will mess up OKC's match algorithm. I suppose it doesn't matter.
I know that some folks spend a lot of time having conversations using the blogging feature, but I haven't figured out how to follow such conversations easily.
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no subject
Date: 31 Dec 2008 08:58 am (UTC)Recently someone messaged me about BDSM, and I explained that I'd be happy to help zir with technical questions and figuring out the local scene, but that I am not looking for love, sex, play, or romance of any sort. We were going to get together for coffee, but it hasn't happened. My bet is that he found someone to play with him and no longer wants mere advice.
As for the blogs, my sole entry directs the reader to check out my LJ.