firecat | Sad stuff

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Sad stuff

OH and his partner he's been with the longest (a few months longer than me) broke up today.

He is doing OK but I'm sure he would appreciate condolences, good wishes, etc., from those who aren't busy siding with his ex.

Here's what he posted about it.

Well, as of 2pm PDT, Thu 6 Jun 2002, my 10+ year relationship with RA is over. Much of it was good while it lasted, but we've also had various problems through much of the relationship, and now we're too exhausted. We've been broken up once before, but I'd have to say it's extremely unlikely that we'll try again.
I don't think it makes much sense to talk about blame, and to the extent that it does, we've certainly both been at fault. We're not going to be friends, but we will at least try to be civil -- with our various shared communities, there's no way we can completely avoid each other.

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I don't understand the "taking sides" thing.

I could be wrong, but I suspect that some people think one of the parties is more to blame than the other.

Why blame? For various reasons, sometimes people just grow apart and neither are to blame.

I agree. I'm probably just being paranoid.

Thank you for the heads-up.

I know OH appreciated the opportunity to talk with you about relationship stuff at the con.

My condolences to everyone. Enough of your respective relationship webs are local that I can imagine it might be awkward for all involved for a while....

Yeah, I'm feeling like I should drop out of all those webs, which I know is an overreaction. (Not sure where it is coming from -- I guess from my old habit of compartmentalizing relationships.)

I'm sad too, and plan to send something along to your OH, but I may delay a bit because I am terrible about that sort of thing. Yeah, there are the standard things that people say--a simple "my condolences," but they often feel empty--a cardboard facade that doesn't really say what I feel. But, I think I'm coming to realize that it's good to say something--to say that you cared about what happened even if doesn't touch one personally and deeply. And though I know OH just a little, and RA hardly at all, I do care and imagine it must feel crappy for them.

When I have been sad, a simple "my condolences" from someone, especially someone I don't know all that well, has meant worlds to me. It really can convey feelings, to me anyway. I think it's partly because even something that small takes a certain amount of effort to do in a world where there's too much input and too much sadness all the time.

I'll send him a note in just a bit, once I pull up a.p. and grab the post. But in the meantime, it occurs to me that this process has had some spillover to you. So I shall wish you all good things over the next days and weeks.

Yes, it's had some spillover, especially because I've been angsting over where I fit in to local social circles and this adds more fuel. (Which feels pretty petty in comparison to what OH and RA are going through, but , eh, one doesn't always get to choose what one angsts about.)

So your wishes will be put to use, thanks.

...and virtual hugs to the list. And pass 'em along to OH, too.

Thanks for them. They have been passed along.

Not sure where this fits in in all of this, but I've enjoyed getting back in touch with you since my trip to the hospital and I want to continue to stay in touch with you.

As to condolences etc.... I hope everyone involved finds peace of mind as life goes on. You, RA, OH, me, the whole gang of involved parties.

Please pass my {{{Hugs}}} onto RA and keep a few for yourself.

Thanks for saying those things, I'm comforted.

*smile*

I'll be curious to read any comments you have about the stuff I stuck up in my LJ.

Oh, and unrelated to any angst, where did you get the heart-shaped-candy message? I keep seeing them around, and I'm a primate.

Oh, crap, I don't recall, now. Um, ask

kwalton or

mactavish; they may have a better recollection.

The same site also has fake Dymo labels and such. It is amazing the ~~crap~~ stuff you can find on the web.

Typing "candy hearts" into Google produced it as the first result, which is probably confusing to people who are trying to find a place online to buy actual candy hearts.

http://www.acme.com/heartmaker/

I don't know how to get in touch with him, so please convey my good wishs and, (hugs) if he wants them. I hope that it hurts less soon, and that they do achieve civilness, at the least.

Wishes and hug-offers conveyed. Thanks!

Pass my {{{Hugs}}} along too and keep a few for yourself.

Passed his along, and appreciate mine.

(deleted comment)

Thanks much. I'm glad RA had some support too.

i don't know any of the people involved, afaik, but please convey my condolences. ten years is a lot of shared time, a lot of life memories that the other person is the other holder of, if that makes any sense? i hope that both their hearts heal.

condolences and hopes conveyed. and yes, that makes sense.

I had no clue they were on the verge of splitting up at Baycon.

Thank you so much for the heads-up, especially with Westercon coming up.

Many hugs to OH and RA for me. I've known them both a long time and value their friendships.

Hugs passed on to OH with thanks.

I wonder if my post here (http://www.livejournal.com/talkread.bml?journal=compersion&itemid=30428) would be helpful to you?

*hugs* & good thoughts

I read that thread a few days ago. I'm sorry that there's sadness in your poly web too. *hugs* & good thoughts returned

I've said this in Usenet, but I'll say it again here: I really sorry to hear that, and I look forward to giving him an in-person hug later in the month.

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Sad stuff

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no blame

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Thanks

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Thanks

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Thanks

Add my good wishes...

Re: Add my good wishes...

Social circle angst

Re: Social circle angst

Re: Social circle angst

Re: Social circle angst

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Web crap

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Thankyew

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Thanks

Stunned.

Re: Stunned.

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Thanks!

Good Wishes