firecat

I don't know about "wanting to be miserable", but I think it's pretty common where people are less than honest with themselves about their internal games. There are payoffs to some of these games that don't seem like payoffs, and to look at them head on can be pretty devastating.

I've learned the hard way that when someone has a blind spot about a game they're playing, no amount of pointing to that game will ever work. There's always another way to see it where they're not in control of the important part of the game. You can point directly to the center of the blind spot, and they'll see something else and get annoyed with you.

I just hope I'm less pigheaded than that when my turn comes around, but I don't think I'm any more gracious about it.

I think the bottom line has to do with emotional safety: we get to work on this stuff out in the open, only to the degree where we feel safe and supported. There's usually not that much safety to go around.