firecat: gorilla with arms folded looking stern (unamused)
[personal profile] firecat
Build AWESOME abs, lats, and back muscles!

Works even if you're in not the mood to exercise!

The Torso Builder is a remarkable system, as old as human history but only now available as a late night infomercial product!

No bulky equipment to clutter up your house, and now you don't even have to go let someone sneeze on you, because it's available in a convenient Nasally Injected form!

Just squirt the amazing fluid into your nose, and the Torso Builder system goes to work.

Within a few short days, hardworking bacteria and viruses will have set up housekeeping in your bronchial tubes, using your body's own healing powers to create loads of Sticky Mucus, and causing Stupendous Involuntary Muscle Contractions - WHETHER YOU WANT THEM OR NOT!

Works day and night. You'll feel the difference in your muscles WITHIN 24 HOURS! But that's not all. Just one application of the Amazing Torso Builder System will keep working for UP TO SIX WEEKS!

Void where prohibited? Don't you wish.
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firecat (attention machine in need of calibration)

January 2026

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