My "warrior" symbology

[firecat]

Inspired by comments from beth666ann and xp85goblin:

With regard to warrior/healer, here is how I think of it. I read a book recently on the history of the martial arts in Asia, and one of the theories of the book was that as a person goes more deeply into martial arts, he (it was all he's in this book, unfortunately) moves from being a warrior, just concerned with fighting, to being more of a healer, also concerned with curing physical and emotional and spiritual wounds.

I've always had healer tendencies, and they've generally been directed outward. To put it another way, I enjoy helping other people and being available to them.

But lately I have been developing some health problems that are going to require me to spend a lot more time and energy on maintaining my own health.

For quite some time I have been kind of avoiding this because I would rather be available and soft and easy going than to be the kind of vigilant and disciplined that I'll need to practice to do this maintenance.

I am also starting to really want to concentrate on some big projects, and that will take time and discipline.

My life-partner lives with me and for the past eight months both of us have been working from home. I have had a tendency to run my schedule with a lot of flexibility so that I can accommodate spending time with him when he wants it.

I am going to need to take more control of my schedule so that I can accomplish these things. Where the "warrior/healer" symbology comes in is that if I take control of my schedule and I am no longer as available to other people, I feel kind of mean. Not just because other people want me to be available but because I *like* being available. In order to achieve this "discipline" I am going to have to allow myself to feel mean and act mean, in the sense of putting my schedule and my own maintenance and concentration needs ahead of my/others' desires for interaction.

I have also, separately-but-relatedly, been practicing not just presenting a nicey-nice face to the world but also speaking up to more of the world about how I can be a cynical nasty bitch. That's because my life-partner and I have gotten sort of a bad-cop/good-cop reputation and I think it's a bad idea, for both of us, if he is the one who is always saying all the mean things that we are *both* thinking. It's a bad idea because then some people like him less than he deserves and like me more than I deserve (that is, like me for the wrong reasons).

Comments

[feline.livejournal.com]

I think it's good that you're going to take some time for yourself as that is important as well....

The healthier you are...the easier it is to help others....

[xp85goblin.livejournal.com]

I am perfectly willing to be understanding. I am busier myself and probably no longer can be counted on to answer letters within an hour of recieving them.
As to being cynical and a bit crabby...join the club. Although sometimes being cynical helps one to be patient with people besides making you grouchy...you just plain don't expect any better of people, and you get mad less.