rape, men as potential rapists, fear of

[firecat]

There's an Internet conversation about rape, one post about which is here.

After reading that post, I saw several posts in which a woman said although she intellectually understands that many women fear men as potential rapists, she doesn't have that fear, and she has never been sexually assaulted, either because no one tried or because she defended herself with words or weapons.

I'm really glad that these women haven't suffered sexual assault or fear of sexual assault.

But I don't understand why a number of women are apparently responding to this conversation by saying that they aren't afraid of rape and don't have a general fear of men as potential rapists. Do they feel they should be afraid? I'm getting the impression that they feel not being afraid of rape makes them weird. Maybe that it makes them unfeminine somehow? Is this because our culture sends the message that all women should be afraid of rape?

I'm also not sure what I think about the suggestion that a certain attitude or body language -- specifically, attitude/body language that shows a lack of fear -- can prevent an assault from happening. I think it can make a difference in some situations--maybe a lot of situations. (I gather that it's part of what's taught at self-defense classes.) But I don't think it's any kind of guarantee. I know plenty of people who have a "don't mess with me" attitude/body language who have been assaulted.

(For the record, I haven't experienced sexual assault either. I have feared it in a few specific situations.)

Comments

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

But I don't understand why a number of women are apparently responding to this conversation by saying that they aren't afraid of rape and don't have a general fear of men as potential rapists. Do they feel they should be afraid? I'm getting the impression that they feel not being afraid of rape makes them weird. Maybe that it makes them unfeminine somehow? Is this because our culture sends the message that all women should be afraid of rape?

Well, yes, actually, it does make me feel weird; I find myself wondering how it is that I missed out on being socialized to this attitude. It's similar in nature -- although by no means in degree! -- to my learning in my late 20s that women can't wear white shoes from Labor Day to Memorial Day, and that everyone knows that.

And I wonder, too, should I feel more afraid? Am I kidding myself? Am I setting myself up for some kind of disastrous fall? And when that disaster strikes, will it be my fault because I wasn't properly cautious?

I do not, ever, intend to blame the victim of any kind of assault, sexual or otherwise. However, I do think there are some things that people can do to reduce -- not eliminate, but reduce -- the likelihood of being assaulted. I also know perfectly well that a person can do everything "right" and still fall victim to someone who is determined to do harm, or who is completely unconcerned with the results of his/her actions on others.

It's a very difficult mental dance.

[firecat]

I find myself wondering how it is that I missed out on being socialized to this attitude. It's similar in nature -- although by no means in degree! -- to my learning in my late 20s that women can't wear white shoes from Labor Day to Memorial Day, and that everyone knows that.

I knew about the white shoes all along (I read my mom's copy of Emily Post as a kid), but I didn't encounter "women should fear men as potential rapists" as a social meme until I was 18, as part of my initial encounter with feminism in college.