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Date: 12 Apr 2013 12:50 pm (UTC)When I'm depressed, the most helpful thing is for a person close to me to say, "I'm here and it's OK for you to talk to me about being depressed." They don't have to give advice, although advice can be helpful. But mostly it helps to be "held," listened to, and told I'm cared for even when I feel like an awful, useless, miserable person.
Intense dark music can help. Looking at pictures of nature, space, and dark imagery online can help. Also, holding my stuffed kitty and petting him and telling him how I feel.
None of these things make depression go away, but they give me a sense of connection to a wider world of feeling and art and beings, and my own world doesn't seem so empty. That's important for me. I mean, talking to my stuffed kitty can feel like connecting to the whole Universe. As silly as this sounds, it can be almost a mystical experience, and I usually find that comforting.
I know what you mean about mailing lists. I miss them. LJ works in a similar way and serves a similar need, but the mailing lists I've been on had a lot more people who shared my interests (such as writing) and talked about them intelligently, deeply, and often. Of course, I haven't put a lot of effort into finding compatible friends on lj. But, shared interests or not, the friends I do have are very kind when I post about depression. And I can post very sensitive stuff here without feeling self-conscious.
Facebook has never served the same purpose for me as mailing lists. IME it's a place for banter and the sharing of recipes and cool pictures. I don't mesh well with people who use fb to talk to their families and keep up with old school friends. That's just not how I use fb. I will never have real intimacy with most of my fb friends. Though occasionally, there can be surprising moments of mutual understanding and epiphany.
I do get riled up quite often when I look at my fb feed. There's way too much bad news, too many political posts (even when I agree about politics, I hate thinking about it), and stuff about animals in need of help that I can't give. I feel lonely every time facebook tells me that one of my friends has a new friend or is going to some cool event (since I'm housebound). Everything about facebook reinforces my Outlier position, which sometimes feels good and sometimes feels bad. So I don't read my feed every day. And I don't belong to any groups.
I went through a period of several months when I didn't use facebook at all -- I did all my e-socializing and self-expression on lj, because people here like to go deep. That's difficult on facebook, though I'm letting myself rant there these days. It's a bigger audience, but there are fewer people who respond with insight or support. But it feels pretty good to let myself rant whether people respond or not.
These days, what I like to do on facebook is post weird pictures and quotes and stuff that probably challenges my mainstream friends. I spend most of my time on my own page. I create a world for myself with what I post, and my friends are welcome to share in it or not, as they choose.
I think a less troubling way to approach facebook would be to avoid my feed and only look at the timelines/pages of people who post stuff I'm interested in. Also, it's liberating to be able to restrict who among my friends actually sees what I post. That way, I can avoid getting comments from people whom I know will annoy me, without the drastic step of unfriending them. Although I looked for the restriction menu yesterday and couldn't find it, so maybe facebook has done away with that feature. More likely, it's moved the menu just to spite me.
I hope you don't feel the need to quit facebook, because I like getting your comments. I'm purely selfish! But seriously, if you need to get away from fb, I completely understand why.