Question that's been on my mind lately

[firecat]

Have there been periods of your life when you had no satisfying romantic/sexual relationships, or fewer than you wanted to have (if you're poly)?

How many such "dry" periods have you had in your life?

How long did each of them last?

Was anything in particular going on with you at the time that contributed to the circumstance, as far as you can tell? (Possibilities I can think of include being sick, being busy, moving to an uncongenial location, being socially inexperienced, experiencing a breakup, becoming more picky...etc.)

If this period ended, what circumstances contributed to its ending?

I'll say more about why I am asking this in a future entry.

Comments

[kightp.livejournal.com]

I had a decade-long (to the month) spell sans sex or romance that coincided with the peak years of my first career. It was frustrating, at times, but mostly I was doing the "driven by career" thing and didn't really worry about it much. And it was lonely; I really didn't know anyone outside the people I worked with. It ended (predictably) when I got tied of being work-obsessed and decided to rekindle my old interest in theater; not only did I find myself in an entirely new social pool, but I remembered that I've always found doing creative work one of the sexiest things a group of people can do together.

A couple of years ago, I my libido vanished abruptly for what turned out to be almost 14 months. I lost all desire; everything functioned OK but I had no interest. It was probably perimenopause related, and my doctor pushed me to go on hormones; considering what I knew about relative risks and benefits, I declined. It was ... strange. Intellectually, I figured I *ought* to be concerned about it, but on every other level I really didn't care. Other than the fact that this accellerated the end of an already flagging relationship, it wasn't a real problem. I was, however, glad when the Vanishing Libido returned from its vacation, tanned, rested and ready to go, as suddenly as it had disappeared.

(Looking back at your original question)Hm. If I emphasize the "satisfying" part, the list gets rather longer; some of my relationships have been more frustrating than satisfying. On at least one occasion, I think I honestly felt it would have been easiler being unpartnered, but felt paralazyed to do anything about that. So glad that's done.