Snowflake challenge #2

[firecat]

Snowflake challenge #2: Set some goals for the upcoming year.

First, the rant: Ugh, I hate the way New Year’s resolutions are done in US culture. It always strikes me as steeped in the attitude “I am flawed; it’s my moral duty to strive toward the mainstream ideal of a human being; and I must, in public, declare my flaws and commit to eradicating them. PS: conforming to the physical ideal is the most important aspect of this.”

That said, of course there are many other ways to approach goals and one needn’t throw out the baby with the bathwater; if nothing else it will clog the drain.

My goal for this year is to bring my “words of fanfic / original work posted to AO3” over 1 million. I posted more than that number of words (132,740) in each of the past 4 years because I loved writing fiction and how it makes me feel. I want more of that.

What is your relationship to New Year’s resolutions and goal-setting in general?

Comments

[vriddy]

1 million words is such a cool milestone!! I hope to get there someday slowly as well (and I guess I will, as long as I keep writing :D). I love the spirit, good luck with it!

I don't generally wait for new year to set resolutions or new goals because it seems like a waste of motivation to wait until then, if I do want to try something new. I do enjoy using the reflective time that often happens at the end of the year to think about what kind of direction I might want to head toward next though!

[firecat]

Thank you!

Yes, saving them all up for NY seems silly.

And NY is sometimes one of my reflective times as well.

[royalblue31]

Know that I am cheering you on to reach your goal! I think you'll do great. What you said about loving writing fiction and loving how it makes you feel—that's heart. Best of luck!

[firecat]

Thank you! <3

[pameladean]

I think that is a good milestone to aim for. It's not like you are starting from no words. You have experience and a really good accumulation so far.

My relationship with setting goals in whatever form is profoundly inimical. If I did not want to do things, setting goals to do them would work admirably. This doesn't actually work in practice; that is, I can't set a goal that's the opposite of what I want to do, and fail in the right way so that what I do want to do gets done, sadly.

So there are certainly things that I want to do, but saying I want to do them in a specific timeframe or dividing them up into smaller things to do in order just does not work. It is the opposite of motivational. I have to sneak up on myself in order to get things done. Occasionally I land in a pickle -- with the taxes really late, say -- and think that if I'd set this goal and stuck to it I wouldn't be in this situation. This is true -- but I would be in a worse situation instead. I don't know why the parts of my brain I have trouble getting a look are are SO PERVERSE, but I have mostly learned not to annoy them, at least. And to sneak up on them.

P.

[firecat]

I have the perverse brain too! Not about absolutely everything, but about most things. And “have to sneak up on myself” is a perfect way to describe it.

[pameladean]

That is curiously comforting! It is such a strange thing to work with. P.

[sabotabby]

I don't do resolutions but goal-setting is always a good idea. I tend to motivate myself by gamifying and quantifying everything, and it works because I have some strong OCD tendencies. So I always try to beat last year's step count, I'm trying to make it to a 365-day streak on Duolingo, and I want to have my book in publishable shape by the end of the year.

[firecat]

Getting OCD with statistics can be a fun hobby! I hope your books will be published soon!

[stonepicnicking_okapi]

This sounds like a great goal. You can do it!

I do think your analysis of New Year's resolutions in US culture is spot-on. Unfortunately, it also reminded me how brainwashed I am. I don't know that I am in a place where I can stop thinking that way. :/

[firecat]

Thank you!

Well, one thing’s always true: you’re where you are.

And you seem very resistant to many kinds of brainwashing.

[figmo]

I set my New Year's resolutions during the Jewish New Year, which takes place in September or October. That time of year seems more like a "start time" than January 1.

As for my resolutions, they're doable things that IMHO help build my character. For example, one year I decided I'd pay for shareware I used whenever I could afford it. Another year it was "Whenever I see someone with a good kid, I'll make it a point to compliment the parent." In the case of the former, folks put a lot of time and energy into shareware, then give it out for free, hoping someone will find it worthwhile enough to give them money for it. This is my way of showing appreciation. As for the latter, too often I see folks with obnoxious kids who wreak havoc. I also see my share of really good kids with healthy parenting. In those cases, I feel it's a good thing to let a parent know when they're doing a good job, such as when a kid shows strong self-esteem or behaves well in public. There's something beautiful about any kid with good self-esteem that is hard to describe.

As an aside, I nearly freaked out a couple of friends of mine who have a wonderful transgender daughter. When she first came out as trans, all I cared about was that she was well-behaved and fit in with the grownups. When I approached her parents to compliment them, I could see them tensing up, thinking I was going to say something derogatory about their child's gender. (I admire them for letting their daughter be her true self, but I keep my feedback to things like behavior and self-esteem.)

Last year my resolution was to do everything in my power to keep my mother from being stuck in a nursing home. This year it's to get through parsing Mom's estate with my untrustworthy brother as sole executor of her will without alienating the rest of the extended family. At this point I've got terrific relationships with my aunt and cousins, and I'd like to keep it that way. We were supposed to be co-executors, but he railroaded her into a bunch of stuff after her dementia diagnosis. It's been over six months and I still haven't seen her will.

As for the "usual" resolutions, my reasoning is that "I will lose weight" and stuff like that are just plain silly. Losing weight doesn't make me a better person.

[firecat]

I admire your approach to acting in a way that corresponds to your values.

And I’m so sorry you’re embroiled in an estate-settling nightmare. It’s been hard enough for me to deal with my dad’s estate paperwork as the only person mentioned in the will, I can’t imagine having to do it in a context of multiple relatives all with different ideas of what should happen.