rape, men as potential rapists, fear of

[firecat]

There's an Internet conversation about rape, one post about which is here.

After reading that post, I saw several posts in which a woman said although she intellectually understands that many women fear men as potential rapists, she doesn't have that fear, and she has never been sexually assaulted, either because no one tried or because she defended herself with words or weapons.

I'm really glad that these women haven't suffered sexual assault or fear of sexual assault.

But I don't understand why a number of women are apparently responding to this conversation by saying that they aren't afraid of rape and don't have a general fear of men as potential rapists. Do they feel they should be afraid? I'm getting the impression that they feel not being afraid of rape makes them weird. Maybe that it makes them unfeminine somehow? Is this because our culture sends the message that all women should be afraid of rape?

I'm also not sure what I think about the suggestion that a certain attitude or body language -- specifically, attitude/body language that shows a lack of fear -- can prevent an assault from happening. I think it can make a difference in some situations--maybe a lot of situations. (I gather that it's part of what's taught at self-defense classes.) But I don't think it's any kind of guarantee. I know plenty of people who have a "don't mess with me" attitude/body language who have been assaulted.

(For the record, I haven't experienced sexual assault either. I have feared it in a few specific situations.)

Comments

[trixtah]

I dunno, I often interpret such remarks as "I'm not afraid of X; why are you?" Sometimes they're obviously presenting another datapoint in response to the "everyone feels X" remarks, but sometimes it seems more arrogant, or, frankly, clueless than that. Having not encountered those remarks in this specific context, it's hard to say.

But for a woman to say she's never ever felt concerned about being potentially assaulted? I really don't grok that mindset. Have they walked city streets at night? Have they walked unaccompanied into an unfamiliar bar full of drunk men with no women in visible sight? Have they been the only female walking the street in front of packs of young men hanging about with no apparent purpose? Perhaps they have, and perhaps they haven't.

I agree that body language can help with the aimless groups of young men, or the occasional drunk. For the rare nutter who is on the prowl for an assault victim, or the person you think you trust who suddenly turns a date into a rape, not so much.

But I agree that if a woman has genuinely never felt at risk of assault, she's very privileged. It shouldn't have to be that way.

[firecat]

I often interpret such remarks as "I'm not afraid of X; why are you?"

In the LJ thread on this post, some women have commented that this interpretation makes it hard for them to discuss their feelings around sexual assault.