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There's an Internet conversation about rape, one post about which is here.
After reading that post, I saw several posts in which a woman said although she intellectually understands that many women fear men as potential rapists, she doesn't have that fear, and she has never been sexually assaulted, either because no one tried or because she defended herself with words or weapons.
I'm really glad that these women haven't suffered sexual assault or fear of sexual assault.
But I don't understand why a number of women are apparently responding to this conversation by saying that they aren't afraid of rape and don't have a general fear of men as potential rapists. Do they feel they should be afraid? I'm getting the impression that they feel not being afraid of rape makes them weird. Maybe that it makes them unfeminine somehow? Is this because our culture sends the message that all women should be afraid of rape?
I'm also not sure what I think about the suggestion that a certain attitude or body language -- specifically, attitude/body language that shows a lack of fear -- can prevent an assault from happening. I think it can make a difference in some situations--maybe a lot of situations. (I gather that it's part of what's taught at self-defense classes.) But I don't think it's any kind of guarantee. I know plenty of people who have a "don't mess with me" attitude/body language who have been assaulted.
(For the record, I haven't experienced sexual assault either. I have feared it in a few specific situations.)
After reading that post, I saw several posts in which a woman said although she intellectually understands that many women fear men as potential rapists, she doesn't have that fear, and she has never been sexually assaulted, either because no one tried or because she defended herself with words or weapons.
I'm really glad that these women haven't suffered sexual assault or fear of sexual assault.
But I don't understand why a number of women are apparently responding to this conversation by saying that they aren't afraid of rape and don't have a general fear of men as potential rapists. Do they feel they should be afraid? I'm getting the impression that they feel not being afraid of rape makes them weird. Maybe that it makes them unfeminine somehow? Is this because our culture sends the message that all women should be afraid of rape?
I'm also not sure what I think about the suggestion that a certain attitude or body language -- specifically, attitude/body language that shows a lack of fear -- can prevent an assault from happening. I think it can make a difference in some situations--maybe a lot of situations. (I gather that it's part of what's taught at self-defense classes.) But I don't think it's any kind of guarantee. I know plenty of people who have a "don't mess with me" attitude/body language who have been assaulted.
(For the record, I haven't experienced sexual assault either. I have feared it in a few specific situations.)
no subject
Date: 8 Jun 2009 12:42 am (UTC)When something bad happens to someone else, a lot of people have an almost reflexive response that involves finding things that differentiate them from the person to whom the bad thing happened, so that they can believe that the bad thing won't happen to them. Sometimes the perceived differentiating factors are rational, sometimes they're not, sometimes inbetween.
Depending on one's emotional makeup, it can be pretty difficult to go around thinking of half the population as potential threats, so there's a lot of ground to be gained in not doing so...
(Never been sexually assaulted, have feared it a few times, still have a generalized perception of other men as potentially threatening, probably from having been an undersize-for-grade smart kid.)
no subject
Date: 8 Jun 2009 01:09 am (UTC)Either.
And that's a good analysis.
no subject
Date: 8 Jun 2009 02:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 8 Jun 2009 03:27 am (UTC)I don't know if "warped" is the right word but I believe that some of my behavior is different than it would be otherwise because I have a horror of being perceived as "leading someone on" sexually or romantically. I don't fear assault per se if I do this, but I fear causing frustration, hurt, anger. The main effect is that I am sometimes uncomfortable with flirting. This might be indirectly related to the existence of sexual assault, or it might be a manifestation of social anxiety that doesn't have anything to do with sexual assault per se.
no subject
Date: 8 Jun 2009 03:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 8 Jun 2009 04:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 8 Jun 2009 04:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 8 Jun 2009 11:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 8 Jun 2009 04:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 8 Jun 2009 01:22 pm (UTC)But for a woman to say she's never ever felt concerned about being potentially assaulted? I really don't grok that mindset. Have they walked city streets at night? Have they walked unaccompanied into an unfamiliar bar full of drunk men with no women in visible sight? Have they been the only female walking the street in front of packs of young men hanging about with no apparent purpose? Perhaps they have, and perhaps they haven't.
I agree that body language can help with the aimless groups of young men, or the occasional drunk. For the rare nutter who is on the prowl for an assault victim, or the person you think you trust who suddenly turns a date into a rape, not so much.
But I agree that if a woman has genuinely never felt at risk of assault, she's very privileged. It shouldn't have to be that way.
no subject
Date: 8 Jun 2009 04:18 pm (UTC)In the LJ thread on this post, some women have commented that this interpretation makes it hard for them to discuss their feelings around sexual assault.
no subject
Date: 8 Jun 2009 05:03 pm (UTC)err, the articulation is not necessarily "you should be afraid of rape". What I've heard specifically said is that girls and women should always be ready to defend themselves. In my public school there were self-defense classes for girls that were not offered for boys. One was always defending oneself against a male attacker. If that's not rape defense, I don't know what is.