Comment on loneliness, and on the theoretical existence of people who "want to be miserable."

[firecat]

Comment I made in this post at living400lbs about loneliness. (Someone suggested that some people choose to be lonely because they "want to be miserable and 'play the victim'. I suppose people like that might exist but I don't think I've met very many of them. Most of the people I know who are persistently unhappy don't seem to be deliberately choosing it, but seem to have health and life challenges that are creating difficulty. Some such people might be able to learn better coping skills and change their loneliness or unhappiness, but that still doesn't mean that their unhappiness is chosen.)

I get lonely under two conditions. If either of these conditions applies, I will feel lonely whether or not I am around other people.

1. I am tired. (I was happy when I figured that one out. If only everything were fixable by having a good sleep!)

2. I am depressed. In which case it might seem from the outside that I am choosing to be lonely, because I tend to act cranky and cynical, which drives people away. But I am not choosing. One way that depression manifests itself for me is that I have a lot fewer behavior choices.

Comments

[kitrona]

This is a very good point. There's also the pov (not necessarily incompatible with yours) that some people just don't know HOW to be happy, and that they've lived with being unhappy for so long that it's gotten to be a rut that they can't get out of. It's their comfort zone, and to go outside that is scary. They're still not CHOOSING to be unhappy; they just can't get out of it.

Then there's the actual mental issues that give the appearance of choosing to be unhappy, but the motivations behind the actions that make up this appearance are totally different.