firecat: gorilla with arms folded looking stern (unamused)
[personal profile] firecat
Build AWESOME abs, lats, and back muscles!

Works even if you're in not the mood to exercise!

The Torso Builder is a remarkable system, as old as human history but only now available as a late night infomercial product!

No bulky equipment to clutter up your house, and now you don't even have to go let someone sneeze on you, because it's available in a convenient Nasally Injected form!

Just squirt the amazing fluid into your nose, and the Torso Builder system goes to work.

Within a few short days, hardworking bacteria and viruses will have set up housekeeping in your bronchial tubes, using your body's own healing powers to create loads of Sticky Mucus, and causing Stupendous Involuntary Muscle Contractions - WHETHER YOU WANT THEM OR NOT!

Works day and night. You'll feel the difference in your muscles WITHIN 24 HOURS! But that's not all. Just one application of the Amazing Torso Builder System will keep working for UP TO SIX WEEKS!

Void where prohibited? Don't you wish.

Date: 10 Dec 2004 04:09 am (UTC)

Date: 10 Dec 2004 04:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sistercoyote.livejournal.com
You, too, hm? I commiserate.

Date: 10 Dec 2004 04:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] datagoddess.livejournal.com
Is there a set of Ginzu knives thrown in, too?

Feel better!

Date: 10 Dec 2004 04:40 am (UTC)

Date: 10 Dec 2004 04:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cjsmith.livejournal.com
That was *scarily* well done. :-)
I hope you feel better soon.

Date: 10 Dec 2004 05:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] roadnotes.livejournal.com
Ouch. My sympathies, and some sincere empathetic wincing.

Date: 10 Dec 2004 05:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] liveavatar.livejournal.com
Oy. My version is lingering too, but not like that. Here's to speedier healing.

Date: 10 Dec 2004 06:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dawnd.livejournal.com
Naw. They kept having people using the knives for sepuku after the 4th week, and that was bad for marketing. ;^p


Here's hoping you feel better soon, [livejournal.com profile] firecat!

Date: 10 Dec 2004 07:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kightp.livejournal.com
Heh. (*cough* *hack*)

I won't go into the part about where I was seriously considering buying some Depends ...

Re: Only $19.99! Act now!

Date: 10 Dec 2004 09:26 am (UTC)
ext_481: origami crane (Default)
From: [identity profile] pir-anha.livejournal.com
feel better soon! i'm just filled with admiration that you can still be funny despite the TORSO BUILDER's hardworking efforts.

Date: 10 Dec 2004 10:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] saluqi.livejournal.com

Ouch. Sympathies.

Date: 10 Dec 2004 11:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lizw.livejournal.com
*shudder* Hope you feel better soon!

Date: 10 Dec 2004 02:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] angeyja.livejournal.com
Yow. Hope you're feeling better soon.. but thanks for this! I am at day 6 and very ready for it to be gone. ;-)

Date: 10 Dec 2004 06:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] epi-lj.livejournal.com
Yeep! *hugs* I hope you feel better soon. :(

Date: 11 Dec 2004 01:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] usqueba.livejournal.com
I stayed home from work on Monday. I felt your pain.

[[[hugs and nyquil]]]

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firecat (attention machine in need of calibration)

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