an alt.poly post

[firecat]

Since I broke my own guideline of not contributing to dogpiling threads on alt.poly, I obligated myself to make a substantive post to alt.poly.

When I thought up the idea for the post, I initially hesitated to post it because I thought that some folks might believe I was sending messages to them personally or referring to their situation specifically. Which I amn't.

But I couldn't think of any other thing to post, so I went ahead and posted it anyway.

I hope that neither the post nor the disclaimer hurts or offends anyone.

Comments

[eeyorerin]

I went and looked up the post (usenet reading went out the window when I was writing my dissertation, and I have to remind myself to go back), and I found it very useful and very resonant for me. If I write about it in my own journal, may I quote from it (with attribution)?

[firecat]

Certainly!

[kightp.livejournal.com]

I can't imagine anyone taking offense. It's a solid, thoughtful post and when I have more time, I may respond to it. It wants some noodling and right now my noodle is otherwise engaged.

And I *love* Betsy's quote from your .sig file. (-:

[datagoddess.livejournal.com]

What she said :-)

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

yay!

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

:)

thanks.

[leback.livejournal.com]

I liked the post. I'll have little to say in response, I imagine, but I'm likely to chew on it a fair bit.

I suspect I will regret not staying out of that other thread soon enough.

[kightp.livejournal.com]

Y'know, the thread in question looked like it was about to peter off of its own accord when Steve P. decided he had to play Champion the Underdog.

Oh - hey! I didn't realize you were on LJ! I hope you don't object to my "friending" you.

[firecat]

Yay, I facilitated a new connection!

[leback.livejournal.com]

Not in the least. Hi! :-)

I like Steve, usually, and I like that he often presents a distinctive viewpoint on things. I don't think he's likely to accomplish what he seems to want to here, though (I think Stef's advice on how to influence the tone of the newsgroup is pretty dead-on, really), and given that I have to imagine he knows that, I'm not sure what his motivation is, unless it's just to vent. If that's the case, I don't know whether it's more useful to discuss the topic with him or just ignore him, but I am prone to erring on the side of running my mouth...

[firecat]

I think Steve has an interesting distinctive viewpoint on things, and also has some big blind spots. IMO, this is one of the blind spots.

[saluqi.livejournal.com]

Got any ideas about what to do when blind spots and hot spots collide?

I think Laura's post described something similar to the reasons I get cranky. That is, where there is a point being made, sometimes it's hard to work out whether someone is picking it undone via the application of logic to test the point, or just dismissing the whole thing on a technicality. And that doesn't even address the question as to whether logic can be applied to all personal communication situations.

[firecat]

Got any ideas about what to do when blind spots and hot spots collide?

I know what I do, which is state my POV/argument directly to the person once or twice, and if I get a sense the person isn't paying attention and thinking about what I said, then ignore them. The conversation will shift soon enough.

I don't know what to do to make the person think about what I said.

As for Steve specifically, the hyperlogical "debate" mode of communication that he uses annoys me a lot. Gentle humor sometimes knocks him out of it on a case by case basis, but doesn't stop him from using it altogether.

[firecat]

Thanks!

You have better reason for participating in that other thread than most...

[leback.livejournal.com]

Heh. I suspect my reason is what it usually is when I post to newsgroups, which is that I'm interested in whatever's running through my head at the moment, and I take that as reason to inflict it on everyone else. :-)

[lysana.livejournal.com]

I'm actually bothering to look at alt.poly for the first time in ages because of this post of yours. But you have a good head on your shoulders, so I figure denying myself a look-see would be silly.

[firecat]

I'm flattered! (And I disclaim responsibility for the general dullness of alt.poly at the moment!)

[lysana.livejournal.com]

I found it darkly appropriate that the contents I found outside of your post were part of why I stopped. Right down to the umpteenth variation of "BDSM is not abuse."

[firecat]

Yeah. [sigh]

[therealjae.livejournal.com]

I did the same, but I'm totally lost as to which post you might mean. How embarrassing -- I don't *think* of myself as google-impaired.

-J

[firecat]

It's called "Wheel of Fortune". Google sometimes takes a while to find a new newsgroup post. Also, I canceled it by accident and had to repost it.

[therealjae.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

-J

[ailbhe]

Not on my server yet. Subject line?

[firecat]

"Wheel of Fortune"

[snippy]

I didn't take it personally in the sense that I didn't think you'd crafted and aimed it at me. I did take it personally in the sense that I thought about what you wrote and whether it applied to me in any way that would be helpful to me. And it does, and I thank you.

[firecat]

I'm glad!

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

I [heart] the post, and appreciated seeing it. I didn't think it was about me, but it spoke to me anyway.

[firecat]

I'm glad you liked it!

[ruth-lawrence.livejournal.com]

I liked the post, and didn't see it as actual dogpiling.

[firecat]

Thanks!

The "Wheel of Fortune" post isn't dogpiling. The dogpiling is going on in another thread.

[ruth-lawrence.livejournal.com]

I know, and I feel like unsubscribing.

I hate dogpiling, even when I actually agree with the general drift of the 'pilers' arguments.

It reminds me of nasty group behaviour in schools, on committees, and society generally. I see the pattern as part of human broken-ness, or at least immaturuity.

And I hate it if I catch myself joining in.

[firecat]

Likewise, hence my guideline that I should not participate, or if I do, I should at least also post something substantive elsewhere in the group.

[ruth-lawrence.livejournal.com]

A wise idea.

[abostick59.livejournal.com]

So, ummm, what is the dogpiling thread?

[firecat]

"A poly sex slave"

[abostick59.livejournal.com]

OMFG! "The lurkers would support you if they bothered to email"!!!

[firecat]

[snrch]

[eve-l-incarnata.livejournal.com]

What is dogpiling?

[firecat]

In this context, it's where someone (usually someone who is generally disliked in the group) posts something that people don't like, and everyone piles on to attack the post (and usually the poster as well).

[innerdoggie.livejournal.com]

I haven't looked at alt.poly in a really long time, and was meaning to this week to see what's up. Which thread is it? I see 700+ posts, and there are two really long threads (100+)

[firecat]

The one I was thinking of is called "A poly sex slave".