construction of desire

[firecat]

This LJ post has some really good thoughts:
http://orbitalmechanic.livejournal.com/105179.html

Someone (in a friends locked post) quoted some of them.

I found some more I wanted to quote:

The heart is totally untrustworthy, people. All you have to do is make it want something and you think you invented that wanting, you think desire is an expression of truth and unmediated self.

The primary arena I've noticed this in myself is in my responses to clothing fashions. Over and over again, I'll see some new fashions or colors and go EWWWWW...and then in six months to two years or so I will see the same fashions and really like them. This doesn't happen with every new fashion, but it invariably happens with some, and it happens even though I know it happens.

This flexibility can be used for good or ill, of course. I've also used it to widen and shift the set of people I'm attracted to, which I think is a good thing. The constant shifting of my fashion sense, not so good (although fairly harmless overall).

Comments

[firecat]

part of what I'm seeing in it is an assertion that all heterosexual sex and marriage is support of the patriarchy and oppression of the women involved

This notion goes back to the feminist thought of 20-30-40 years ago. When I first encountered it, it used to make me feel guilty that I was interested in relationships with men. :-( I kinda got over that part.

I don't think it's quite so direct as "support". What I do think is that people in male-female partnerships have privilege and when they are out in public they are *inadvertently* seen as upholding the status quo, and the status quo has oppressive elements. I'm including myself because my primary partnership is male-female.

I think that one can mitigate this by being aware of it, by speaking out against oppression, and by being public about how one's partnerships differ from the status quo. (All of which you are and do.) And I also think it's impossible to do that all the time.

If one has privilege one can use it to "infiltrate" the mainstream and communicate messages that undermine the status quo. (I'm thinking now about the thin men like Paul Campos who are communicating the fat-acceptance message in the mainstream.)

As for sad: I think it's sad that it's impossible to get away from the political ramifications of one's actions, because I do get damned SICK of thinking about political ramifications all the time.

I also didn't understand why the guy telling the lesbian woman to find a partner who is better for her because the other partner didn't appreciate her and treated her poorly is bad

I don't know either. I haven't read books by that author and didn't really pay much attention to parts of the post discussing the author.