Inquiring minds

[firecat]

via klwalton, an article called "Why Marriages Fail" (http://www.shrinktalk.net/archives/why_marriages_fail_1.phtml) contains the following quote:

couples that don't ever fight eventually don't have sex either. Why? They are both forms of passion. If you give up one form of intensity you'll ultimately leave the other as well.

Is this true in your experience?

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Comments

[stefanie-bean.livejournal.com]

OK to unscreen.

We fight - who doesn't? But as far as there being any kind of link between the emotional intensity of fighting and better sex, this has *not* been my experience, never has been in *any* relationship I've been in. Fighting upsets me physically as well as emotionally; even when it's resolved through apologies and resolution of whatever the fight was about, I'm sick to my stomach (or somatizing in other ways) for days afterwards. My personal experience is that pain and emotional upset do *nothing* for me sexually; I have to feel loved, secure, confident. A bitter fight followed by "hot makeup sex" just isn't going to happen w/ me.

So I dunno ... we have been married 25 years and are still physically as well as emotionally in love. I also question the assumption that "passion" (i.e. flamboyant emotional intensity) automatically translates into sexual compatibility; sometimes the two aren't that closely linked. You can feel "passionate" about someone; head over heels "in love," and yet the sex can be not so great. OTOH you can feel quite comfortable with someone, relaxed, totally familiar - and if you find them sexually attractive as well, it can be fantastic.