rape, men as potential rapists, fear of

[firecat]

There's an Internet conversation about rape, one post about which is here.

After reading that post, I saw several posts in which a woman said although she intellectually understands that many women fear men as potential rapists, she doesn't have that fear, and she has never been sexually assaulted, either because no one tried or because she defended herself with words or weapons.

I'm really glad that these women haven't suffered sexual assault or fear of sexual assault.

But I don't understand why a number of women are apparently responding to this conversation by saying that they aren't afraid of rape and don't have a general fear of men as potential rapists. Do they feel they should be afraid? I'm getting the impression that they feel not being afraid of rape makes them weird. Maybe that it makes them unfeminine somehow? Is this because our culture sends the message that all women should be afraid of rape?

I'm also not sure what I think about the suggestion that a certain attitude or body language -- specifically, attitude/body language that shows a lack of fear -- can prevent an assault from happening. I think it can make a difference in some situations--maybe a lot of situations. (I gather that it's part of what's taught at self-defense classes.) But I don't think it's any kind of guarantee. I know plenty of people who have a "don't mess with me" attitude/body language who have been assaulted.

(For the record, I haven't experienced sexual assault either. I have feared it in a few specific situations.)

Comments

[starcat-jewel.livejournal.com]

Is this because our culture sends the message that all women should be afraid of rape?

In a word, yes. Not as a universal, of course, but that meme is extremely active, and sometimes among the most surprising people.

Try a little experiment sometime. When you're chatting casually with a bunch of mainstream people (as opposed to fannish and/or feminist friends), mention something you did that involved being out by yourself late at night. See how many people will immediately say that you should be more careful, that it's not safe for you to do that, etc.

This is also part of the rape-victim-blaming meme. How many times have you heard the argument that women who go somewhere unaccompanied, especially after dark, should expect to be sexually assaulted? "What was she doing there by herself?" is one of the most common victim-blaming statements.

Variations on this are all thru the culture.

[firecat]

See how many people will immediately say that you should be more careful, that it's not safe for you to do that, etc.

I'll try that sometime. The only time I remember something like that happening is when I went on a long hike by myself once. (Prior to the era of GPSs and cell phones.) Several people I encountered on the hike told me I shouldn't hike alone. I think some of them were clearly thinking about sexual assault, but some might have been thinking of stuff like falling and getting injured.

there be monsters

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

i got this all the time when i was travelling cross country by myself. and it was mostly about assault (though maybe not solely sexual assault). the vast majority of the people concerned were women, then some elderly or particularly conservative men; very few younger men.

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

I probably would have been one of the people concerned about hiking alone -- because, well, I grew up in the desert, and was indoctrinated with things like, "The desert can kill you if you're not careful. Don't go into the desert alone. Always carry water. Always make sure someone knows where you're going and when you expect to be there."

Huh. I wonder if that last one is why the kink community's concept of the safe-call always made perfect sense to me.

[firecat]

I was hiking somewhere much safer, environmentally speaking, than the desert, but yeah. I was pretty footsore when I was finished with my hike and I realized it had been unwise to go without telling anyone.