Ways of dealing with various kinds of anger

[firecat]

http://sarahmichigan.livejournal.com/520259.html discusses so-called myths of pop psychology (as described in the book 50 Great Myths of Popular Psychology: Shattering Widespread Misconceptions about Human Behavior by Scott O. Lilienfeld, Steven Jay Lynn, John Ruscio and Barry L. Beyerstein).

One of the myths discussed is "It's better to express anger to others than to hold it in." I haven't read the book, but sarahmichigan sums up the book's viewpoint as "Expressing anger, whether verbally or by punching a pillow, generally makes you angrier and more aggressive."

I've done a lot of reading on emotion, some of it from a Buddhist perspective. I think the myth as stated is in fact a myth much of the time, but not always. So I left these comments.

I agree that "It's better to express anger to others than to hold it in" is a myth if it's stated as a universal fact. But I don't think that "It's better to hold anger in than to express it to others" is true either. I think it depends on context and on the individual.
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I'll have to read the original book to know more about the studies, but my guess is that experimental design was limited to making someone angry about something specific in the moment, and the studies did not test anger that builds up over time regarding long-term situations.

Also I wonder if any of the studies controlled for the level of physical arousal. Given a particular irritant, some people get more aroused than others.

Also I wonder if they studied the self-reported quality of the anger, as opposed to just the physical arousal symptoms.

When the myth is "it's better to vent than to hold it in," you have to define "better." Does this refer merely to how long the physical arousal lasts, or does it refer also to the internal sense of the quality of the arousal (how the person feels)?

If we're talking just physical arousal, then I agree ignoring it will make it go away faster. But ignoring it might also feel very painful/difficult while the arousal lasts. Whereas if you do something with the arousal, it might stick around longer, but the arousal might start to feel better internally.

For me, if my anger level (the physical arousal I feel) is "mild" or "moderate," and the anger is due to an immediate one-time irritant (as opposed to a repetitive irritant or a long-term situation) then it will dissipate quickly if I don't do anything. And since I mostly don't like feeling that low level of arousal, I tend to choose the method that will make it go away the fastest.

But if my physical arousal/anger is very strong, then suppressing my desire to do something physical feels really painful. The same applies if my physical arousal includes both anger and anxiety (which is often the case). I will still be aroused for a while if I do something physical (cry/scream/punch pillows/yell), and I might be aroused for longer, but the arousal doesn't feel as painful.

When I wrote "anger that builds up over time regarding long-term situations," I was thinking specifically of anger that develops out of repeated experiences of discrimination, oppression, or abuse. I think it's too simplistic to say that "holding in" these kinds of anger rather than retelling them to other people is "better."

sarahmichigan reported "[the authors] also mention that coupling anger with productive problem solving *can* be helpful." So political anger might be covered under that, if retelling the incidents is part of a strategy for addressing the problem.

What is your experience?

Comments

[urocyon]

The pressure cooker model has not worked well for me, and I've certainly had professionals (not just pop psych) pushing it at me in past. I've had a lot of anger to deal with, and am managing better these days, not letting it seethe and burn me up as much. Outbursts--even semi-controlled ones--only feed the fire, IME.

A more Buddhist (and Tsalagi, for that matter) approach has worked better, with mindfulness. Pay attention to the emotions, and what may be triggering them. Is there anything you can change about the situation, including discussing things and/or getting rid of some built-up resentments? Is this some kind of displacement? Recognize what's going on, and move on. Channel it into something else, if necessary. Letting it overwhelm you so that you have angry outbursts is more likely to make you feel worse afterward, IME. So is just brooding, which I've had a bad problem with.

Emotional regulation was something I really needed to learn anyway. And not viewing anger as some kind of "bad" external force liable to take you over (or build up and make you explode like a pressure cooker) has been a good step in that direction!

"...coupling anger with productive problem solving *can* be helpful." So political anger might be covered under that, if retelling the incidents is part of a strategy for addressing the problem.

This is one area in which I've continued to have trouble with building up frustration and resentments. Part of that is from learned helplessness, I suppose--what kind of productive action (much less direct action which will make a difference) can you take in some really entrenched situations? It can be hard to figure out anything, when there are very good reasons you're angry. But I definitely agree that channeling the anger into problem solving and some kind of productive action is a useful way to handle these situations. Even just saying "this is a truly messed-up situation, and I have no idea what to do to make it better" is better than seething. Where better is defined as "doing less harm, all around". :) That's one of the reasons I've been doing more political-type blogging. It may feel like I'm preaching to the social justice choir sometimes, but at least it may help someone else, while helping me express/work out some of my own frustrations.

[firecat]

Outbursts--even semi-controlled ones--only feed the fire, IME.

For me, expressing myself angrily once, or very briefly, does help. It helps me to acknowledge that my anger exists and to accept it, so in a strange way it's a tool of mindfulness.

This only applies to very strong anger; I can deal with mild to moderate anger by going directly to mindfulness. And I tend to be very emotionally controlled so I don't have a lot of strong anger; this might be why a physical expression works differently for me than for people who feel anger more easily.

what kind of productive action (much less direct action which will make a difference) can you take in some really entrenched situations?

I think that writing or talking to others about political/cultural conditions that you are angry about is productive. And I think that saying "I'm angry about this" is part of what's productive about it. I think that only saying "I'm angry" and never getting to "Can we do anything?" is inadequate though.

[urocyon]

It helps me to acknowledge that my anger exists and to accept it, so in a strange way it's a tool of mindfulness.

That makes sense. I was initially thinking more in terms of the kind of shouting fit that doesn't help me, at least.

And I think that saying "I'm angry about this" is part of what's productive about it. I think that only saying "I'm angry" and never getting to "Can we do anything?" is inadequate though.

That's pretty close to the way I've been thinking about it. The "what might improve the situation?" part is important there.