Bullying

[firecat]

This article discusses why children who are bullied sometimes don't discuss it with adults.

http://www.livescience.com/8994-bully-victims-suffer-silence.html

I did mention to my parents sometimes that other kids bullied me. Their response was "Ignore it, and they'll get bored and stop." I figured that this meant "We don't want to hear about it, because we don't know what to do to stop it." (This reason isn't on the list of reasons in the article.)

So I stopped talking to them about it and I pretended to ignore the bullying and to some extent I think this strategy prevented the bullying from escalating past name-calling, although it didn't stop it.

I also developed another strategy, which was essentially to be quiet and hide in plain sight. This got so ingrained that I find it difficult to turn off, which causes me problems at times.

Comments

[sophy.livejournal.com]

I think of what I call "Kid Code" which is basically - don't bring in outsiders (i.e. adults) no matter what. It's just this weird thing most kids do - don't tell even on your worst enemies, etc.

My mom has always also been a friend, and so I would actually come home and vent to her about how I was treated at school. But any time she offered to take any action of any kind, I was adamant that she NOT. Which I think a lot of kids do, too. There's this recognition that talking to the adults in the school will simply get the bullies into temporary trouble, making the bullying worse and even longer lasting. So it feels safer, somehow, to just let it go.

The school system I was a part of was very abusive and dysfunctional itself, so it's hard to imagine anything my mom could have actually done - save taking me out of the school system, which I didn't want because I did also have friends there and activities I was a part of, etc.

I'm glad it's become a thing now that schools and parents are talking about and taking seriously. Because, imo, that's the only way change can happen. The whole culture has to change to stop accommodating bullying as something normal and natural. No single policy or act alone can do much otherwise.

20 years ago when I was in HS, it was seen as, well, "kids are mean to one another, what can we do?" *SHRUG* - even by the few teachers in my school who did seem to dislike it. I feel like now, at least, there are more resources available to show that what's happening is Wrong and Should be stopped - even if it seems impossible to actually stop it.

[firecat]

The whole culture has to change to stop accommodating bullying as something normal and natural.

Yes. I hope it does.