Beauty, self esteem, and bullying

[firecat]

http://www.thenation.com/blog/169208/upside-ugly

I'm not crazy about the title of this article ("The Upside of Ugly"). It talks about a girl who was bullied for her looks, and whose cosmetic surgery was funded by a nonprofit organization that helps children with facial deformities. There's a before and after picture of her. In the before picture, her ears stick out and in the after picture, they don't.

I feel angry about this, but I think it's misdirection to feel angry at the girl for wanting the surgery or her mother for seeking it or the organization for funding it. I am angry that my society promotes the idea that the girl in the before picture is "ugly" and the idea that the best way to address bullying is to change the traits that are the target for bullying.

I somewhat like this quote:

There may be a bit of head-shaking over young girls going to drastic measures to feel beautiful, but we never seem to question the idea that feeling beautiful is a worthy goal in the first place. We should tell girls the truth: “Beautiful” is bullshit, a standard created to make women into good consumers, too busy wallowing in self-loathing to notice that we’re second class citizens.

Girls don't need more self-esteem or feel-good mantras about loving themselves—what they need is a serious dose of righteous anger. But instead of teaching young women to recognize and utilize their very justifiable rage, we tell them to smile and love themselves.

However, I don't agree with the "one-true-wayism" of the quote. I think it's fine to have "beauty" as an interest or hobby. Where I do agree with the quote is that I think pursuing beauty should not be a requirement.

I feel like I'm swimming upstream though. I fear that most people and societies will always rank attractiveness and will always be more accommodating to people who are perceived as more attractive.

(And just to completely negate everything I wrote other than the penultimate paragraph: I think the girl in the before picture is more attractive.)

Comments

(frozen)

[firecat]

Do you seriously think there is anyone who is reading discussions like this who actually doesn't know that our culture is pretty toxic?

I think the people reading my journal know it, but not all of the people reading the original article do. (The comments are proof.)

I definitely think being an unsubmissive pink princess is a good way to cut through bullshit. I also think that there needs to be room for people to criticize feminine-as-a-requirement.

I really wish we could come up with ways of talking about this where it's clear that if I say "In society's hands, this damages me" that doesn't automatically mean "I think everybody who uses/does this is an unwitting tool of society." Because I don't want to pressure people to make different choices about their personal style; I want to celebrate style diversity. And I also want to be able to talk about my damage.

When it seems that language doesn't exist, and any comment on one side seems like a silencing of the other side, I feel like society is sitting in a corner snickering because it's gotten us into a game of "let's you and them fight."

(frozen)

[laughingrat]

I really wish we could come up with ways of talking about this where it's clear that if I say "In society's hands, this damages me" that doesn't automatically mean "I think everybody who uses/does this is an unwitting tool of society."

The thing is, we DID use language that made that clear. But people who are defensive about their choices and why they made those choices will spring to the attack every time.

(frozen)

[firecat]

I really wish we could come up with ways of talking about this

I think I gave the impression that I was talking about your comment when I said that. I apologize for my lack of clarity and insensitivity. I wasn't talking about your comment, I was talking about the general conversation around body acceptance and body choice.