firecat

Tonight's web surfing subjects:
Radio stations I listened to in my youth: CKLW, WRIF with Arthur Penhallow, WWWW (W4), WLLZ
Radio stations I listen to now: KFOG, KLLC ("Radio Alice"), KSAN ("The Bone")
Radio station formats: "Rhythmic Contemporary Hit Radio", "Album Oriented Rock," "Hot Adult Contemporary", "Active Rock", "Adult Album Alternative", "Modern Rock"
Alternative music of the early 80s (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-punk), when I was a DJ at WESU (Wesleyan University radio station). The Wikipedia article mentions the phrase "postpunk pop avant-garde," which I remember using at the time (despite thinking it was a tad bit pretentious).
Quick tour through New Wave, grunge, and heavy metal.
Side trip to Joe Satriani, Ulli Jon Roth (guitarists), and the Scorpions (one of my favorite groups in the 70s, back when Ulli played with them, before they got popular).
New music genre term learned: "sleaze metal".

A bit of linkspam:
"Amnesia and the Self That Remains When Memory Is Lost" by Daniel Levitin
This article is interesting to me because my memory of my past seems to be more vague than that of many people I know. And because my mom had Alzheimers. She didn't have the kind of memory loss this article talks about, but there were some similar features.

"We were in Professor Pribram's class, and we worked in a lab together, Roger Shepard's lab."
"Who?"

"Roger Shepard. He had a music and perception lab."

"Wow. That sounds like it must have been interesting. What did I work on there?"

I had one or two conversations like that with my mom.

Crossposts: http://firecat.livejournal.com/784974.html

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

firecat

It's kind of comforting to know that I'm not the only person with poor memory of my childhood. I've discovered that if I write down the memories close at hand, more of them come back, but otherwise my whole childhood is a five-minute montage.

It frightens me that I could become so detached from objects I care about now. But it's good to know that it's possible to feel OK about being that detached, and so calm about what's happening with the disease process.

I kind of think becoming detached from objects might not happen in your case.

And in a way I think his having come up with this idea of having his visitors take stuff was a way of caring about his stuff. If he really didn't care, then that wouldn't occur to him.

From:

graymalkin13.livejournal.com

It's kind of comforting to know that I'm not the only person with poor memory of my childhood.

You're definitely not alone in this.

I've discovered that if I write down the memories close at hand, more of them come back, but otherwise my whole childhood is a five-minute montage.

Yes to the montage thing. I can expand moments a little bit by looking at old photos or zeroing in on a particular time, but only to a limited extent, which is fine with me. I think some of the "childhood memories" are shaped by what other people (who were adults at the time) have told me about those times.

I kind of think becoming detached from objects might not happen in your case.

Hee! No ideas but in things. Sometimes I need tangible things to remind me of who and what I am and to ease certain kinds of anxiety. In addition to objects, my tattoos serve this purpose for me.

And in a way I think his having come up with this idea of having his visitors take stuff was a way of caring about his stuff. If he really didn't care, then that wouldn't occur to him.

That's a great way to interpret that. It seemed like by doing that, he was also honoring his visitors' care for him, which seems thoughtful and generous.

If a person with that condition still has the ability to form new memories, it seems... I don't know, to me, it seems like it could be a peaceful way to let go of this incarnation/this particular past. But I say that as someone who has always wanted to forget much of my past.

From:

firecat

I think some of the "childhood memories" are shaped by what other people (who were adults at the time) have told me about those times.

Yeah, and for me, home movies my dad made.

If a person with that condition still has the ability to form new memories, it seems... I don't know, to me, it seems like it could be a peaceful way to let go of this incarnation/this particular past. But I say that as someone who has always wanted to forget much of my past.

I wonder.

I don't want to forget my past, but I'd rather have a different attitude toward it.

From:

graymalkin13.livejournal.com

Do you still have access to the movies? Because that sounds very cool.

Your mention of home movies reminds me of a couple of Halloweens when I was a kid. I've seen photos of myself in the beautiful costumes my grandmother used to design and sew. Memories of her doing things like that deserve to be honored, but once I've honored them, I'd be very happy to be rid of them.

I don't want to forget my past, but I'd rather have a different attitude toward it.

That sounds like you. :-) It makes sense, too.

For myself, though... It's like the way I felt about changing my name. I knew it was time to choose my own name and that it had to be completely different from the one I was born with. When I found it, changing it felt utterly right, and I left my old name with a sense of release. That's how I feel about getting rid of most memories of my past.

Oddly, when I changed my name, there were three obstacles. Maybe the Universe was placing challenges in my path to test me.
1) My dear and trusted friend Li told me that the name I'd chosen "felt wrong" and "wasn't me."
2) Friends at work told me I looked crazy to everybody else.
3) The judge at the name-change hearing asked me if I was aware that my chosen new name "suggested a male presence." (It's a traditionally masculine name.) He was quite reluctant to validate my name change.

I persevered and it turned out I did exactly the right thing.

Whether that means I would be doing the right thing by forgetting most of my past, I do not know.

From:

firecat

I think I have the movies on VHS somewhere.

The judge at the name-change hearing asked me if I was aware that my chosen new name "suggested a male presence."

Wow, seriously?

From:

graymalkin13.livejournal.com

Yes. The judge also asked if my father was aware I was changing my name. (I was 30 years old. And I had published the required announcement in a newspaper for 3 weeks running. (This was required as a way to prevent people from creating false identities for criminal purposes.) I chose a Chinese-language newspaper to publish it in because it amused me.) It was 1988, so even in San Francisco, I don't think authorities were especially enlightened about gender. I just said that my father wasn't aware. I also told him I was aware that my name implied a male presence and that that didn't matter to me. He asked why I chose it. I said, "Aesthetics."