What is it then?

[firecat]

kshandra pointed to this quote about depression.

Interesting. Everyone seems to be agreeing with it, but it's not all that similar to how I experience what I've called depression.

What I've called chronic depression includes a tendency to become...easily overstimulated. Sensory stimuli start feeling like sandpaper on my nerves, and I have to retreat into simplicity. If there's no way to physically retreat, I withdraw from what's going on around me.

I like intense sensations and feelings but I tend not to seek out as many such experiences as most other people I know. A little goes a long way. That's why I've tended to call it depression: because I feel like it limits me from living what's commonly considered "a full life" and because it looks like withdrawl. Also, because I've occasionally experienced its lifting along with the sense "Oh, so that is what it's like to feel normal; that's why other people can keep going so much longer than I usually can."

At the same time, I am suspicious of the standard notion of "a full life"; I think aspects of it are way too narrow and superficial and don't leave room for contemplation.

So if my "easily overstimulated" state of mind doesn't count as mild depression, what should it be called?

Comments

Re: Heya!

[femmediva.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you found the book. I think, for me anyway, the key is feeling in control of my environment. Which isn't always possible, unfortunately. I really try and keep my home a sanctuary, which is pretty easy for me to do since I live alone. I just feel too "keyed in" to the world sometimes, and much to perceptive for my own good. I'll play loud music often when doing a non-thinking activity like cleaning the house, but I need total silence in order to do any office work. Even having the radio or tv on in the other room distracts me... I just can't filter it out.

On the other hand, I've found that too much silent time alone is no good for me either :-/
I've got a lot of "noise" in my head and it seems to go into overdrive if I'm alone with just my own thoughts for company for too long. So, I try and strike a balance- fortunately I have several friends who don't "overwhelm", and just spending time in their company (in person, phone conversation, anything) seems to be the best medicine for me. Along with trying to avoid people/situations that press those buttons for me.

I was just using noise as one type of example.. basically, I get overwhelmed easily, and for me this can lead to depression.


This is inspiring me to dig out that book and read it again :-)

Re: Heya!

[firecat]

The business about too much noise AND too much silence being a problem, I can relate to that.

I don't need to control my whole environment so much, but I prefer to feel I have an escape from an environment that might become overwhelming.

And the need to escape sometimes comes on pretty fast.