What she wants

[firecat]

I don't have ideas. I have a notion of what's beautiful. She sleeps a lot, and when I am in the presence of something beautiful, she comes out and is full of wistfulness and admiration. She sometimes comes out on her own and sort of looks around and maybe finds some beauty and maybe not, and maybe looks around for some things she could play with, but most such things are hidden away in bags or boxes or on shelves or their secrets are locked away in books (which I actually do have), but anyway she is too shy to ask me to go get out all of those things for her and so she just sits there feeling wistful and then she gets up and goes back into her room and goes to sleep. Sometimes she gets up and plays while I'm sleeping and I have huge colorful dreams with byzantine plots and excruciatingly precise detail. Sometimes when I am listening to music she plays and makes patterns of colors in my head and thinks about sewing together little bits of differently colored cloth or shaping molten glass. The rare times she's been around when I have had making-stuff out she has enjoyed taking pretty bits of this and that and putting them together in ways that create bigger things but still let the bits be beautiful on their own. If she thinks about stories, they always start with a single image of a person doing something, and it's a big mystery: why are they doing that and how did they get there?