Question

[firecat]

(inspired by a comment I made in jodawi's journal)

When you break up with someone, do you feel stupid?

As in "I should have known this would happen, why did I bother getting involved," or "I should have prevented what led to this breakup"?

(This is not about anything currently happening in my life.)

Comments

[elynne.livejournal.com]

Depends on the relationship. Most of them... not really, although afterwards I did sometimes feel a bit foolish for having professed affection too much and too early - having figured out the "three month crush" guiderule has done a lot to alleviate that problem. In several of the "three month crush" relationships, I did later wonder what the hell I'd been thinking... but I didn't feel stupid, exactly - perhaps overly enthusiastic. *ahem*

There have been a couple relationships where, looking back afterwards, I thought "Duh, how could I have missed that?" Only a few, though. Honestly, I don't feel that any of the breakups were things that I could have prevented if I'd tried - either I did try, and it didn't prevent the breakup; or I was doing the best I could with what I knew at the time, and in the same situation, with the same information I had, I'd do the same thing... even if it later turned out to be wrong.

Actually, pretty much the only relationship where I look back and think "Damn, that was stupid, I knew what I was getting into, and I should have gotten out much earlier" was with the Psycho Hose Beast. Juries don't tend to buy "It seemed like a good idea at the time" as a defence. ;]

[martyhaven.livejournal.com]

Is it ok if I take some validation for what you said about the three-month crush guideline? In this past relationship, that just ended, there were warning signs, but I'd have to say I'm happy for actually ending it at around the three-month point instead of continuing to look the other way. -That- would have made me feel stupid.

[elynne.livejournal.com]

Well, sure. I don't have a patent on the three-month crush, or anything. ;) I didn't learn the pattern until I got married, and was monogamous for a while. Then, I noticed that most of the time, when I got a crush on somebody, three months later I'd be left wondering what the hell I ever saw in them. The ones where the crush didn't go away after three months were the potential keepers - more there than just a hormonal percolation, you know?