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firecat...I never did consider words to be substitutes for actions, especially actions that are repeated over and over again.
Which means that the Nth time you cancel our date because you forgot, or overbooked, or decided something else matters more to you...
...your telling me that you really miss me and really want to spend more time with me isn't going to make much of an impression on me.
You can say that you made a mistake. You can say that you're sorry. You can say that you'll work out some other time for us to get together. But trying to make me feel sorry for you is a bad move.
Which means that the Nth time you cancel our date because you forgot, or overbooked, or decided something else matters more to you...
...your telling me that you really miss me and really want to spend more time with me isn't going to make much of an impression on me.
You can say that you made a mistake. You can say that you're sorry. You can say that you'll work out some other time for us to get together. But trying to make me feel sorry for you is a bad move.
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Date: 31 Jul 2003 08:14 am (UTC)I had words much like these with someone years ago and am now wondering if I learned enough that time around...since I have another flake in my life now and the things zie's flaking on aren't dates, but I still feel too-unimportant to zir when zie overbooks & then flakes on me with that as an excuse. Hmph.
My flake is certainly going through an icky time in zir life, but I keep wondering just how long do I have to be nice and supportive of icky behaviors that zie happens to blame on zir depression? Awhile, yes, but perhaps six months of this is enough.
So, I'm sitting here pouting fiercely on your behalf as well as my own! :)
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Date: 31 Jul 2003 08:33 am (UTC)My capacity to do that wears down eventually. It depends on the amount of icky behavior and the length of the relationship before the icky behavior started and the degree to which I think the person is making efforts to change what's causing the icky behavior and various such factors.
In the case I'm complaining about, I've withdrawn some over the past year, but I still want to maintain a relationshipship with the person at this less-involved level, even though there's some irritating behavior.