An attempt...

[firecat]

...to draw some defining lines around the phrase "emotional extravagance."

In my brain, it's still a fuzzy concept of the "I know it when it irritates me" variety.

It's not just, or even primarily, about displaying emotions. It's also, or even more, about stuff like amplifying one's emotions, spending a lot of time and energy thinking about and talking about one's emotions, expecting/wanting other people to spend a lot of time thinking/talking about one's emotions, letting one's emotions be primary drivers of one's actions, letting one's emotions be primary determinants of the life story one carries around in one's head and tells others.

(All that stuff would be happening publicly/semi-publicly in order to count, since if it's happening only inside one's head, I wouldn't know about it and it wouldn't irritate me.)

Unpacking "amplifying one's emotions": In my experience, if I have a feeling of mild to moderate intensity, I can do three things: I can leave it alone, I can damp/suppress it (not snuff it completely, but lower its intensity), or I can increase it / whip it up. Amplifying an emotion would be deliberately increasing its intensity.

More as it occurs to me.

Comments

[gconnor.livejournal.com]

What do you think of as the opposite of "emotional extravagance"?

It sounds like emotional extravagance is a combination of things:

Being over-expressive, like using broadcasting-type empathy and not really able to receive in turn.

"Acting out" emotions because one can't control them, or just to get a reaction out of someone else. This also includes: expecting others to react to your emotions without your having to *say* how you feel, because that would mean owning up to the feeling.

Reveling in any strong emotion, whether it is good or bad, and "indulging oneself" in behavior or thought patterns that make the feeling stronger. (Myself I seldom have really strong emotions any more, perhaps it is because my life is not filled with drama, but I like to think that it is because when I have a feeling, I acknowledge it and talk about it, rather than hoping it will just go away.)


All that said, there are still some emotions that I might indulge myself in, or even whip up, but they are usually good ones.

[firecat]

Opposite of emotional extravagance: emotional minimalism. That is: downplaying feelings, considering logic/rational thought more important than feelings in making decisions, not having strong feelings, not talking about feelings.

Your list includes much of what I think emotional extravagance is, except "expecting others to react to your emotions without your having to say how you feel" doesn't seem to apply to what I'm thinking about.

I certainly indulge myself in and whip up some emotions. I don't do it frequently in public. I'm more on the minimalist side of things.

I'm aware that emotional minimalism comes with its own set of problems/flaws; mainly, sometimes people don't know how I'm feeling or how strongly I'm feeling when they should, I have a hard time knowing what I want because I don't have strong feelings, I have a hard time making decisions because ditto, sometimes people consider me boring because I'm not effusive.

But emotional minimalism doesn't bug me the way emotional extravagance does. (I repeat, it's my problem that it bugs me.)