An attempt...

[firecat]

...to draw some defining lines around the phrase "emotional extravagance."

In my brain, it's still a fuzzy concept of the "I know it when it irritates me" variety.

It's not just, or even primarily, about displaying emotions. It's also, or even more, about stuff like amplifying one's emotions, spending a lot of time and energy thinking about and talking about one's emotions, expecting/wanting other people to spend a lot of time thinking/talking about one's emotions, letting one's emotions be primary drivers of one's actions, letting one's emotions be primary determinants of the life story one carries around in one's head and tells others.

(All that stuff would be happening publicly/semi-publicly in order to count, since if it's happening only inside one's head, I wouldn't know about it and it wouldn't irritate me.)

Unpacking "amplifying one's emotions": In my experience, if I have a feeling of mild to moderate intensity, I can do three things: I can leave it alone, I can damp/suppress it (not snuff it completely, but lower its intensity), or I can increase it / whip it up. Amplifying an emotion would be deliberately increasing its intensity.

More as it occurs to me.

Comments

emotional extravagance

[bastette-joyce.livejournal.com]

(Note: I'm not experienced at posting in livejournal, so I'm experimenting with putting in HTML codes. Sorry if it turns out they don't work and you end up just seeing the codes. Comments that are (or are supposed to be) in italics are quoted from the last post, which I am responding to.)

What do you think of as the opposite of "emotional extravagance"?

Emotional stinginess, uptightness, being repressed, being unexpressive, having a bland affect, coldness.

It sounds like emotional extravagance is a combination of things:

Being over-expressive

Who gets to define what "over" expressive is? What's the standard?

To me, emotional extravagance is: Being rich in feeling and not being afraid to express it, warmth, openness, intensity, magnetism, charisma.

Reveling in any strong emotion, whether it is good or bad, and "indulging oneself" in behavior or thought patterns that make the feeling stronger.

I think people who rely on artificial means to amplify their emotions are actually *lacking* a true connection to their feelings. They're people who have to create dramatic emotional scenes because they're so out of touch with themselves that they can't stand the emptiness and boredom. Whereas people who are experiencing genuine emotional extravagance don't need to create it - they already feel plenty strong enough.

But yes - strong feelings are certainly something to revel in! They're about being alive.

Joyce

Re: emotional extravagance

[firecat]

I think people who rely on artificial means to amplify their emotions are actually *lacking* a true connection to their feelings.

This might be part of what bugs me about what I'm calling "emotional extravagance". I sometimes get a sense of "I'm trying to convince myself | my audience of my emotions, but I'm not sure I believe it myself."

In that case, it might come from the same place as material extravagance - surrounding yourself with expensive stuff because your life is really empty otherwise.

Re: emotional extravagance

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

an aspect of emotional extravaganze that bothers me a lot is in this category. i don't necessarily know whether there is a missing connection to actual emotions, but the amplification seems to be done to get the maximum results -- extra-loud emotions to get people to pat one on the back, "attention-whoring".

i am not entirely sure where i am on the scale myself -- according to my own standard, i am more on the emotionally minimal side of the spectrum, because i prefer to act from reason, not from emotion, and i prefer calm expression of conflict over raw anger; that sort of thing.

but i actually communicate as a matter of course with friends about serious emotions, i do a lot of internal navel gazing, and relay the results to people it concerns. and i don't even mind discussing emotions of mine in public. i am not very likely, however, to do the actual emoting in public.

in response to somebody ... joyce (?) who asked who sets the standard -- i do :) i mean, in discussions such as this, i have an internal definition of "the standard according to me". i don't expect others to share it, and i engage in these sorts of discussions to find out where we differ.