An attempt...

[firecat]

...to draw some defining lines around the phrase "emotional extravagance."

In my brain, it's still a fuzzy concept of the "I know it when it irritates me" variety.

It's not just, or even primarily, about displaying emotions. It's also, or even more, about stuff like amplifying one's emotions, spending a lot of time and energy thinking about and talking about one's emotions, expecting/wanting other people to spend a lot of time thinking/talking about one's emotions, letting one's emotions be primary drivers of one's actions, letting one's emotions be primary determinants of the life story one carries around in one's head and tells others.

(All that stuff would be happening publicly/semi-publicly in order to count, since if it's happening only inside one's head, I wouldn't know about it and it wouldn't irritate me.)

Unpacking "amplifying one's emotions": In my experience, if I have a feeling of mild to moderate intensity, I can do three things: I can leave it alone, I can damp/suppress it (not snuff it completely, but lower its intensity), or I can increase it / whip it up. Amplifying an emotion would be deliberately increasing its intensity.

More as it occurs to me.

Comments

[lcohen]

i've been reading this with interest and trying to decide if i am emotionally extravagant under your definition or not. still not sure. i do share my emotions with people--i try to make sure it's consensual. one of the early focuses of my first go-round with therapy was to try *not* to have my emotions rule my behaviour--that is, for example, to do things even if i felt shy, scared, terrified. i think i've been somewhat successful with that although it's an ongoing process.

much to think about--this is being an interesting conversation.

[firecat]

To me, you don't come across as emotionally extravagant.

Yeah, based on what little I know about your life, I think you have been successful with doing stuff even if fearful.