Are you two-faced?

[firecat]

I made some comments about this in someone else's journal (the entry is friends-locked, so not identified) and it got me to wondering.

If you have a problem with how someone behaves--

• Under what circumstances do you tell them?
• Under what circumstances do you not tell them but tell other people who know them?
  
  • If you tell others, do you care whether those comments to get back to the person?
  • If you want that not to happen, do you do anything to prevent it?
  • Do your prevention mechanisms work?
• Under what circumstances do you not tell anyone (or only one or two confidants)?

If someone has a problem with how you behave--

• Under what circumstances do you want to be told?
• Under what circumstances do you not want to be told?
• Do you think people say things behind your back that are different from what they say to your face?
  • If so, does this bother you?
  • If it bothers you, do you do anything about it?
  • What do you do?

Comments

[hfnuala.livejournal.com]

I suck so badly at confrontation that in effect I'm two faced - I get all these inappropriate flight/fight hormones going through my system and am at serious risk of tears if I do confront people, so I will often let off steam by talking to other people about it. It can take many months after something happens before I can talk about it rationally - I can now talk about what happened at Cov Bicon (2001) but it's too late to confront the person in question, so what good would it do?

And this is my problem at work at the moment - I suspect I'm being made the target of my cow orker's frustration with change because I tend to walk away or even quietly take it rather than give it back like the other potential targets do.

You know, over the last 10 years I've forgiven my Dad alot, but my ability to deal with bullying men has never recovered from my childhood and this really bothers me - it can make me look weak in the eyes of my rather macho workmates.