Are you two-faced?

[firecat]

I made some comments about this in someone else's journal (the entry is friends-locked, so not identified) and it got me to wondering.

If you have a problem with how someone behaves--

• Under what circumstances do you tell them?
• Under what circumstances do you not tell them but tell other people who know them?
  
  • If you tell others, do you care whether those comments to get back to the person?
  • If you want that not to happen, do you do anything to prevent it?
  • Do your prevention mechanisms work?
• Under what circumstances do you not tell anyone (or only one or two confidants)?

If someone has a problem with how you behave--

• Under what circumstances do you want to be told?
• Under what circumstances do you not want to be told?
• Do you think people say things behind your back that are different from what they say to your face?
  • If so, does this bother you?
  • If it bothers you, do you do anything about it?
  • What do you do?

Comments

[porcinea.livejournal.com]

I'll tell them if it comes up in conversation. I'll tell others if it comes up in conversation. I don't generally make opportunities for such conversation. I don't care if anything I say gets back to the people about whom I've said it (I might find it regrettable in that I didn't want to hurt their feelings [or I might not], but I stand by what I say). Partly because I don't believe in prevention mechanisms. And partly as a tongue check---do I *really* think this? I will generally share negative opinions only with a few confidants: those whom I trust to share the same opinion or to not by swayed by mine. And who won't go blathering as a matter of course to the party of the first part.

I don't mind if people want to keep their opinions of me to themselves, or share them with me. Unless I am doing something racist or sexist or homophobic, etc., in which case I'd v. much appreciate a heads-up or a reality check. Maybe even a clueplane. I think people are probably more complimentary behind my back than to my face, just 'cause that's how most people are---gushing is embarrassing to both parties, so we generally keep it to ourselves.

[wild-irises.livejournal.com]

Oooh, good point! I _definitely_ want people to call me on anything I do that misuses privilege.

misuse

[tedesson.livejournal.com]

I think that posting 3 times definately was a misuse of your posting privilege. :)

Re: misuse

[wild-irises.livejournal.com]

I agree; I couldn't figure out how to delete the repeats. *sigh*

Re: misuse

[tedesson.livejournal.com]

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