Ultimate to-do list

[firecat]

Last seen in the journal of sistercoyote:

Tell me three things I ought to do before I die.

Then, if you care to, post this in your LJ and ask your friends to do the same.
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I'm altering it as follows:

Make each of the things you tell me to do something you have done.

Explain why it was so important to you - what you experienced, what you learned, and/or why other people (or why I specifically) should have this experience.

Comments

[kshandra]

Perhaps surprisingly, I will not tell you you ought to go to BurningMan. What I will tell you is you ought to do the research and decide if you would benefit from going - check out the regional groups, see if any of the various documentaries is coming to a local theatre (or available for rent somewhere).... I realize and accept that BRC isn't for everyone, and that everyone isn't for BRC. But I do believe that, if a person feels that the event would be an agent of change in zir life, zie owes it to zirself to make it out there if at all possible.

(It's amazing...as much as I know it's going to hurt this year, not being out there with dafydd, at the same time I'm really looking forward to it. My first year, I kept trying to make his experience our experience, which was a bad idea; last year, I did a little better, but I still kept falling back into a "we're on vacation together" mindset. Being there without him means my experience has to be for me. And I need that.)

[firecat]

In what ways has Burning Man been an agent of change in your life?

I really enjoy your writings about Burning Man. And I hope that this year you have the best time yet.

Burning Man doesn't seem like my thing, but my Burning Man substitute has been to take a vacation entirely by myself every year. I've done this for 3 years now. I love it. I don't know if it's so much an agent of change, not in an extreme way. Maybe more of an agent of reminding myself what my fundamental essence is.

[snippy]

I don't know you well enough yet to make suggestions like this.

Most of the things I've done that are valuable and that I generally wish for others to experience are internal growth things.

Also, I'm not arrogant or narcissistic enough to think that what was transformational or incredibly fulfilling for me would be so for another. For example, I've only skiied 3 times and I loved it, but I'm both a speed demon and a control freak. Likewise, shouting "f*ck you" at my husband for the first time (which only happened a few weeks ago) was transformational for me, but that's because I had to learn to let myself be angry and let myself express it (other than a calm statement during a discussion "I am angry about X.")

[mittelbar.livejournal.com]

That's kinda where I am, too, on the whole "you MUST do this" thang.

[snippy]

Two more pieces, which mittelweg's answer helped me find:

First, that I actually think you (firecat) are a fully-formed, interesting person, and so suggesting changes to the person I am getting to know strikes me as far more critical than I am right now about who you are.

Second, if pressed, the only must I would be willing to share, and the one I think is most valuable, is that you must figure this out for yourself. That process will teach you as much or more about yourself as any individual action or achievement will.

And a piece about me: I don't often do shoulds, as I've written about extensively in many online venues. One of the ways I don't do shoulds is to advise people that they should change. I may be shocked at some people, I may dislike others, but I don't say to them "you should be more like this."

[firecat]

I agree with all that.

I suspect I'm looking less for replies that might be critical of me than for replies that might make me more so, if that makes any sense. (Which isn't intended as pressure to reply.)

[firecat]

All well said. And I agree that what someone else might recommend isn't what might work for me.

I'm posting the question mostly just to learn more about other people through what they say.

[cha.livejournal.com]

you should....

o k- now that I read that properly - I need more time HAHAHAHA