"Choosing" to be big? Not necessarily.

[firecat]

I don't think most people can subconsciously control their weight for psychological reasons. Scientists have done studies of twins (raised together and apart) and their weight is usually very similar even if they have different lifestyles and had different upbringings. The conclusion to a study like this is that weight has a very large genetic component.

I'm uncomfortable with the notion that most people are subconsciously choosing their weight, because that implies if you are big, there is something wrong with your head.

There are enough people who think there is something wrong with my body because I'm big. I don't really want them to all think there is something wrong with my head too!

Relating it to sexual orientation: At one time I had all sorts of psychological theories about why I couldn't make up my mind whether to be with men or women. Then a smart therapist said "Maybe you're just bi." I realized all my theories were unnecessary -- I didn't have to make a choice.

In other words, having plausible psychological theories about why one is big doesn't necessarily mean that's why one is big. It means that one feels the need to justify being big. That's understandable in a society that believes there is something wrong with being big.

Comments

[feline.livejournal.com]

Oh, I agree appearance does matter, but I'm not unattractive either. I'm actually quite striking, even at my weight, but a lot of that has to do with how I carry myself and how my appearance looks.

Nothing more striking than a chunky Native American chick with lots of earrings, purple streaks in her hair, and funkey red and black striped knee socks with an all black outfit...

[xp85goblin.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you were able to pull off a "Cheesecake" photo at that wieght and still look good. It took guts and attitude to do that. And yeah, that is just as important as the standard gauges of appearance.

[feline.livejournal.com]

Thanks....

As for guts and attitude...I think it's more just being comfortable with who I am as a person....

It's taken a lot to get where I am at this stage in my life. I spent a lot of time hating myself and thinking I was some sort of troll who should stay under a bridge. Even when I was some thin chick people drooled over, I had a horrible self image....

I'm not like that anymore. Now I like how I look and I like who I am as a person. Sure, I have flaws, but some does everyone.

As for the "mainstream" standards of beauty...screw 'em... I don't tend to agree with them anyhow...for women or men...

The women they claim as goddesses all too often are too skinny for my taste and the men often look terribly cookie cutter to me...

Then again, I prefer teddy bears as well as soft women....

[feline.livejournal.com]

Was just thinking about this...

The last 4 guys I've dated (keep in mind that I am polyamorous, so while I have been with my hubby for a year and a half there have been other people since I met him) were all ititially attracted to me for the way I look. I've not been a skinny chick in a few years. None of them were "chubby chasers" either. Of all of them, one has been a teddy bear (6'5", 300#), one was a very skinny waifish boi (6', 150#), one was a weight lifter (5'10", 250# of muscle), and there's my husband (5'9", 160#).

So, perhaps the male "standard" isn't quite as people would like it to be. I know my hubby wouldn't want me to be any other way than I currantly am, because what matters to him is I'm happy and he finds me amazingly attractive...

Oh, and I've only ever dated one woman who was skinny...out of the 7 I've gone out with in my life....

[xp85goblin.livejournal.com]

No, I don't think males are /quite/ as sterotyped and predictable as Hollywood types seem to think they are. Intangibles matter, although those intangibles aren't often any warmer and fuzzier than the better documented superficial stuff.