The assumptions, they burns us

[firecat]

This article was linked in a flocked post on my flist and I decided to bitch about it here rather than spewing venom all over my friend's LJ.

"Why The Smartest People Have The Toughest Time Dating"
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-alex-benzer/why-the-smartest-people-h_b_169939.html

First off, I know plenty of smart people who have no trouble dating. The fact that there is a stereotype of a certain kind of smart person having trouble dating does not mean that all smart people therefore have trouble dating.

precipitated by the endemic dating woes on the Harvard campus

If college students have trouble dating, it probably has a lot more to do with their being young, without much social experience, and trying to negotiate a culture different from what they're used to, than it has to do with their being smart.

Unless you actually convey femininity as a woman or masculinity as a man, you're not going to attract a suitable companion of the opposite sex.

I am laughing my butch kitty ass off here. I mean, I suppose it might be true at a gross statistical level, but I know so many people who are so far from conventionally feminine or conventionally masculine who have no trouble finding partners.

And maybe when you're really sloshed at a party and your whole frontal lobe is on vacation in the outer rings of Saturn, you've noticed that your lizard brain knows exactly how to grab that cute girl by the waist for a twirl on the dance floor. [...] Actually, just stop thinking altogether.

Telling people to find dates by getting drunk and not thinking is a great way to help them get STDs and unwanted pregnancies, too.

Generally speaking, smart people seek out other smart people to hang out with, simply because they get bored otherwise. [...] Well, congratulations -- you've just eliminated 95% of the world's population as a potential mate, Mr or Ms Smartypants.

Hey, I'm a woman over 40 and I've neither been (legally) married nor been killed by a terrorist! I must be some kind of miracle.

I care a lot that my partners are in the same general intelligence range as me, and it's very important to me that my partners appreciate me in part for my intelligence. But I've known plenty of smart people who don't care about either of those things.

Starting when I was in my teens, I was convinced that I was so odd and had such specialized requirements in a partner that I would never find a partner. Even though I have three long-term partners right now, and have been with other people who were good partners for me, on some level I still believe this. Silly, huh?

Comments

[the-siobhan.livejournal.com]

I always find it interesting when articles like this tell me that I have eliminated "X percentage of of potential partners" by wanting people who are smart, or who bathe, or who don't have a history of killing their partners and burying them in the backyard.

Because having a partner who bores me stupid is such a better option than being single, I guess.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

Remember: if you eliminate 99.99999999% of your potential dating pool (and you date humans who live on earth) -- you'll STILL be going crazy trying to balance six or seven relationships.

[firecat]

Been there, have a few unpleasant breakups to show for it.

[pogodragon.livejournal.com]

jeremy_m's OkCupid profile does explicitly this, starts with a list of the main reasons people would have to reject him. Seems like a sound plan to me really, there are a lot of people out there and I'm pretty sure I don't want to date more than a very small percentage of them.

And yes, I filter heavily for intelligence (not education level, though the two often go together) I'm pretty sure I'd rather be single than bored, but as I've not been single in over 10 years I could be wrong about that.

[firecat]

Hee. I really like jeremy_m's OKC profile.

[pogodragon.livejournal.com]

I just told him this - he's giggling (which may or may not be attractive, but I think it's cute)

[firecat]

I generally think it's both! :)

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

damn straight. the guy even admits that if you eliminate everyone who doesn't fit from your ever so picky list, you'll have an easy dating pool of a million people.

shit -- fat, sloppy, trans, poly, and generally weird me doesn't even have enough time for all the cool people i already know. and i am talking basic friendship, not even romance. the pool is too damn large.

[starcat-jewel.livejournal.com]

Bingo! Also, hasn't this dude ever heard of the Internet? That's how the smart people are meeting up these days. Roughly a quarter of my social circle (including me) is involved with or married to someone they met in an online context -- and I don't mean online dating sites.

[jordan179.livejournal.com]

Do you know that your picture could easily be that of a 40-something Daria in a future with some mild rejuvenation tech and aircars?

[jordan179.livejournal.com]

Yes. You must engage in carnal intercourse with people you don't even remotely like, just to score points! ;-)