The assumptions, they burns us
3 Mar 2009 07:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
firecatThis article was linked in a flocked post on my flist and I decided to bitch about it here rather than spewing venom all over my friend's LJ.
"Why The Smartest People Have The Toughest Time Dating"
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-alex-benzer/why-the-smartest-people-h_b_169939.html
First off, I know plenty of smart people who have no trouble dating. The fact that there is a stereotype of a certain kind of smart person having trouble dating does not mean that all smart people therefore have trouble dating.
precipitated by the endemic dating woes on the Harvard campus
If college students have trouble dating, it probably has a lot more to do with their being young, without much social experience, and trying to negotiate a culture different from what they're used to, than it has to do with their being smart.
Unless you actually convey femininity as a woman or masculinity as a man, you're not going to attract a suitable companion of the opposite sex.
I am laughing my butch kitty ass off here. I mean, I suppose it might be true at a gross statistical level, but I know so many people who are so far from conventionally feminine or conventionally masculine who have no trouble finding partners.
And maybe when you're really sloshed at a party and your whole frontal lobe is on vacation in the outer rings of Saturn, you've noticed that your lizard brain knows exactly how to grab that cute girl by the waist for a twirl on the dance floor. [...] Actually, just stop thinking altogether.
Telling people to find dates by getting drunk and not thinking is a great way to help them get STDs and unwanted pregnancies, too.
Generally speaking, smart people seek out other smart people to hang out with, simply because they get bored otherwise. [...] Well, congratulations -- you've just eliminated 95% of the world's population as a potential mate, Mr or Ms Smartypants.
Hey, I'm a woman over 40 and I've neither been (legally) married nor been killed by a terrorist! I must be some kind of miracle.
I care a lot that my partners are in the same general intelligence range as me, and it's very important to me that my partners appreciate me in part for my intelligence. But I've known plenty of smart people who don't care about either of those things.
Starting when I was in my teens, I was convinced that I was so odd and had such specialized requirements in a partner that I would never find a partner. Even though I have three long-term partners right now, and have been with other people who were good partners for me, on some level I still believe this. Silly, huh?
"Why The Smartest People Have The Toughest Time Dating"
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-alex-benzer/why-the-smartest-people-h_b_169939.html
First off, I know plenty of smart people who have no trouble dating. The fact that there is a stereotype of a certain kind of smart person having trouble dating does not mean that all smart people therefore have trouble dating.
precipitated by the endemic dating woes on the Harvard campus
If college students have trouble dating, it probably has a lot more to do with their being young, without much social experience, and trying to negotiate a culture different from what they're used to, than it has to do with their being smart.
Unless you actually convey femininity as a woman or masculinity as a man, you're not going to attract a suitable companion of the opposite sex.
I am laughing my butch kitty ass off here. I mean, I suppose it might be true at a gross statistical level, but I know so many people who are so far from conventionally feminine or conventionally masculine who have no trouble finding partners.
And maybe when you're really sloshed at a party and your whole frontal lobe is on vacation in the outer rings of Saturn, you've noticed that your lizard brain knows exactly how to grab that cute girl by the waist for a twirl on the dance floor. [...] Actually, just stop thinking altogether.
Telling people to find dates by getting drunk and not thinking is a great way to help them get STDs and unwanted pregnancies, too.
Generally speaking, smart people seek out other smart people to hang out with, simply because they get bored otherwise. [...] Well, congratulations -- you've just eliminated 95% of the world's population as a potential mate, Mr or Ms Smartypants.
Hey, I'm a woman over 40 and I've neither been (legally) married nor been killed by a terrorist! I must be some kind of miracle.
I care a lot that my partners are in the same general intelligence range as me, and it's very important to me that my partners appreciate me in part for my intelligence. But I've known plenty of smart people who don't care about either of those things.
Starting when I was in my teens, I was convinced that I was so odd and had such specialized requirements in a partner that I would never find a partner. Even though I have three long-term partners right now, and have been with other people who were good partners for me, on some level I still believe this. Silly, huh?
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no subject
Date: 4 Mar 2009 04:22 pm (UTC)whichever part of the brain it is, it can be trained. before meeting the paramour i had the chance to experience mine finally following what i had told it for years -- that there would be somebody else, that i needn't lower my standards or change myself in any way (other than beat the negative feelings).
the negativity needs conquering. i wish i could bottle the stuff that does it, because i don't have it in sufficient supplies whenever i need it either. i just remember how it was true and then fumble through.