Scott Lynch on depression

[firecat]

Scott Lynch is writing a fantasy series called Gentleman Bastard, which I like a lot.

In his LJ, he writes very well about how a particular kind of depression affects him. (He writes as if it's the only kind, and I know of others, but I do struggle with this kind so I can relate to a lot of what he says.)
http://scott-lynch.livejournal.com/261555.html

Excerpts:

It's a mental cloud in which one remains perfectly capable of taking action, but primarily obsessive action, self-centered action. Not caring, conscientious, or constructive action. A depressive is supremely skilled at entertaining themselves now because now is all depression ever lets you have. It sharply retracts your chronological horizon....

...The world loses emotional texture, and the height of your ambition is to fill all that now with something marginally diverting.

He also puts forth an interesting theory about why people insist on minimizing illness and disability:

we need this particular special stupidity, as a species, as families, as individuals. Hope lashes us harder and drives us farther than fear ever could.

The damnable side effect, of course, is that we sometimes insist that genuine physical and mental problems are "all in our heads" and can be wished away with a bigger smile.

I don't agree that human beings "need" to dismiss and minimize other people's illness as part of "hope." But I do think that it's a common, pervasive defense mechanism that's promoted by many cultures. I also think it can be unlearned, and I would like to think that it can be unlearned by whole cultures, but I don't know how to go about making that happen.

Scott also writes very clearly on why he wants people not to give him advice about medication!

Comments

[teigh_corvus]

Thank you for this link. His take on the Black Dog times really struck a chord with me.

[snippy]

I haven't read it yet but I don't understand how minimalizing and dismissing others' problems helps give hope. Just the opposite for me--if everybody else is accomplishing so much and their problems are dismissable, then I must suck because I don't even have those problems and I still can't get that much done.

[firecat]

I think the idea is that minimizing other people's problems gives hope, because then you don't have to admit how fragile health and safety are. And then when we learn to do that, we end up doing it to ourselves too, but with the result that you describe.

I suppose some people would rather think they are fuck-ups than think health and safety are fragile.

I also think that being concerned about not getting that much done is one of those near-universal things. Almost every person I know feels that way, some of whom get lots and lots of things done, and some of whom get fewer things done. Almost everyone seems to compare zir getting-things-done-capacity unfavorably to some other set of people.

[snippy]

So add "not getting enough done" to the long list of ways we compare ourselves and get unpleasant results, partly because we're doing it wrong (compare down to feel better, not up) and partly because comparisons are odious.

I think the model in my head of how much I'm supposed to be getting done is more society-imposed than personal experience, that is, I don't think my mother did much to install this issue.

[firecat]

I think the model in my head of how much I'm supposed to be getting done is more society-imposed than personal experience, that is, I don't think my mother did much to install this issue.

My parents protected me from being too busy when I was growing up and supported my saying no to more commitments.

I distinctly remember running into "competitive busy-ness" in college. Every conversation was supposed to start with "I'm soooooo busy" and a litany of what one was busy with. I consciously adjusted my small-talk starters.

I also have a feeling of "I'm not doing enough" that has increased with age, that isn't particularly connected to competitiveness with other people.

[sev]

thank you for this.

The part you quoted sounds very much in line with my experience -- I can remember trying to describe this kind of depression to someone as: "Welcome to the pit. You've always been here. You can't conceive of having ever been anywhere else. You will be here forever." And I've thought (in response to someone trying to shame me into "cheering up"), of course my depression is self-centered -- I'm all alone in this pit and I can't see out of it!

My emotional dysfunction of late has been more angry than bleak, but it's good for me to be reminded of the change in perspective.

And, there's going to be *seven* of them! Squee! I absolutely adored The Lies of Locke Lamora & liked the second (though it didn't knock me off my feet quite like the first one). *happy dance*

Drive-by comment that contributes nothing to the discussion

[yifu]

S-seven? I hope the rest of the books will be as intriguing...

[maize]

I think maybe I've been going through that state lately. Those symptoms sound very familiar to me, anyway. Someone on Twitter recently posted that they seem these days to spend all their time just distracting themselves, and I could really relate to that as a concise description as well.

[e4q.livejournal.com]

other people, especially health professionals and people i feel should know me better, having that 'hopeful' attitude hacks me off immensely.

what is probably more dangerous, for me, is when i get the bug, and start thinking i can do 'normal' things... with disastrous consequences.

denial - not just a river in egypt. fact.

[firecat]

I recently paid a price for doing too many things, yeah.

[e4q.livejournal.com]

sucks, doesn't it?

one of the pitfalls for me is being invited to do something that does sound nice, wanting to do it, but not strategising properly, or indeed doing the thing at all when all the information says DON'T DO IT

[gmdreia.livejournal.com]

With that said, there is one subject that I do not wish to ever hear about from anyone, and that is the subject of my medication. Whatever frankness I am willing to extend about the rest of my condition does not include my drug, its dosage, or the discussion of whether I should be on it at all. Please do not suggest homeopathic or non-scientific remedies, even with the very best of intentions. Please do not suggest that SSRI drugs will do terrible things to me. Undiagnosed, untreated, unmedicated depression did plenty of terrible things to me. Surely you can't have forgotten items 1 and 2 of this essay so quickly?

THIS

I take a med for depression and anxiety. It works very well and I resemble a human being when I take it. I'm sick of people - particularly in the New Age and alternative communities, of which I seem to reside tangentially on the outskirts for some unknown reason - telling me that if I just did enough yoga or took gooseberry extract or some crap, I'd be Just Like Them. As if my reliance upon science, known quantities and big pharma were somehow a threat to their little paradigm. Uh, no, I wouldn't feel better, and I've tried, so sod off, people.