Scott Lynch on depression

[firecat]

Scott Lynch is writing a fantasy series called Gentleman Bastard, which I like a lot.

In his LJ, he writes very well about how a particular kind of depression affects him. (He writes as if it's the only kind, and I know of others, but I do struggle with this kind so I can relate to a lot of what he says.)
http://scott-lynch.livejournal.com/261555.html

Excerpts:

It's a mental cloud in which one remains perfectly capable of taking action, but primarily obsessive action, self-centered action. Not caring, conscientious, or constructive action. A depressive is supremely skilled at entertaining themselves now because now is all depression ever lets you have. It sharply retracts your chronological horizon....

...The world loses emotional texture, and the height of your ambition is to fill all that now with something marginally diverting.

He also puts forth an interesting theory about why people insist on minimizing illness and disability:

we need this particular special stupidity, as a species, as families, as individuals. Hope lashes us harder and drives us farther than fear ever could.

The damnable side effect, of course, is that we sometimes insist that genuine physical and mental problems are "all in our heads" and can be wished away with a bigger smile.

I don't agree that human beings "need" to dismiss and minimize other people's illness as part of "hope." But I do think that it's a common, pervasive defense mechanism that's promoted by many cultures. I also think it can be unlearned, and I would like to think that it can be unlearned by whole cultures, but I don't know how to go about making that happen.

Scott also writes very clearly on why he wants people not to give him advice about medication!

Comments

[firecat]

I think the idea is that minimizing other people's problems gives hope, because then you don't have to admit how fragile health and safety are. And then when we learn to do that, we end up doing it to ourselves too, but with the result that you describe.

I suppose some people would rather think they are fuck-ups than think health and safety are fragile.

I also think that being concerned about not getting that much done is one of those near-universal things. Almost every person I know feels that way, some of whom get lots and lots of things done, and some of whom get fewer things done. Almost everyone seems to compare zir getting-things-done-capacity unfavorably to some other set of people.

[snippy]

So add "not getting enough done" to the long list of ways we compare ourselves and get unpleasant results, partly because we're doing it wrong (compare down to feel better, not up) and partly because comparisons are odious.

I think the model in my head of how much I'm supposed to be getting done is more society-imposed than personal experience, that is, I don't think my mother did much to install this issue.

[firecat]

I think the model in my head of how much I'm supposed to be getting done is more society-imposed than personal experience, that is, I don't think my mother did much to install this issue.

My parents protected me from being too busy when I was growing up and supported my saying no to more commitments.

I distinctly remember running into "competitive busy-ness" in college. Every conversation was supposed to start with "I'm soooooo busy" and a litany of what one was busy with. I consciously adjusted my small-talk starters.

I also have a feeling of "I'm not doing enough" that has increased with age, that isn't particularly connected to competitiveness with other people.