Vanna White is gesturing toward me

[firecat]

[recycled from fb]

It's coming out day again! I'll start with the LGBT stuff since that's what this day was created around:

I'm nonbinary (they/them or zie/zir pronouns) and transmasculine. I'm attracted to people of various (but not all) genders.

Other things I sometimes have to come out about: I'm fat, a fat activist, polyamorous, disabled, agnostic/pagan/buddhist, politically progressive

Now tell me about YOU.

Comments

[noelfigart]

She/her, cis-woman, though constantly told I'm Doing Female Wrong. Bi. Atheist. Fat. Polyamorous. Politically? Be damned if I know. I used to be a Libertarian and living in New Hampshire has cured me of that foolishness. I tend to vote for the more progressive candidate these days, as I'm not comfortable with systemically engineering desperation in the populace.

[kore]

though constantly told I'm Doing Female Wrong

I swear to fucking God it's like everyone is that old lady in Huckleberry Finn who rattles off that gender checklist when he's undercover in drag. I got told early on "You don't sit like a lady!" (this was long before Bisexuals Can't Sit In Chairs) IDEFK.

[firecat]

TIL about the Bisexuals Can’t Sit In Chairs stereotype.

[ng_moonmoth]

Sounds like you'd be happy to help me defund the Gender Police. I would welcome anything you might wish to share on the matter.

[firecat]

Realizing I’m non-binary did wonders to dispel the damage from decades of Feeling I’m Doing Female Wrong. (Not that it works for everybody.)

I also moved away from Libertarian. If people actually had each other’s best interests at heart, it might work, but we don’t.

[noelfigart]

I guess I approach the Doing Female Wrong thing a little differently. I feel like I am a woman, I feel like a woman, and just because I don't put on the performance someone else expects doesn't mean I'm not a woman. It's this really strong internal orientation -- which is what got me to wrap my mind around other gender identities. (That took an embarassingly long time).

Which means that, yeah, I get it NOW when people say, "I feel X and identify that way."

[firecat]

I feel like I am a woman, I feel like a woman, and just because I don't put on the performance someone else expects doesn't mean I'm not a woman.

Yeah, hearing many women say something like this helped me figure it out — I don't have those internal feelings.

[greghousesgf]

I have to move away from libertarianism, I'm on disability and they want to kill it.

[firecat]

A very good reason to move away from it. (Grr. Idiots.)

[greghousesgf]

what do libertarians expect us disabled people to do? go live in some other country? be homeless? (there's already a lot of homeless people around, they want there to be more?)

[firecat]

I expect they think our families will take care of us? Or charities that people voluntarily contribute to?

If so they haven't given much thought to human nature.

[greghousesgf]

Who gets charity money? religious people and cute little kids with big "I'm poor" eyes. who does not get charity money? overweight ugly middle aged atheists with Asperger's who don't even like kids that much.

[firecat]

Yeah. Libertarianism fails because it assumes people like us will be taken care of even if the government doesn’t facilitate it. (Or else it doesn’t acknowledge people like us exist.)

[sabotabby]

Hmm, I'm bi, have invisible disabilities and chronic illness, atheist, and think probably we need to burn the whole system down but if we did that, we likely wouldn't be the side that gets to rebuilt.

[firecat]

Yeah that sums up my political viewpoint pretty well too.

[lirazel]

I'm ace-spectrum, definitely--other than that, I'm not exactly sure where I fall sexuality-wise, but sure as hell know I'm not straight! I have chronic mental health problems (both depression and anxiety) and use medication to control it.

[firecat]

“Sure as hell not straight” is an entirely valid sexual orientation…

I use those meds too.

[ng_moonmoth]

Also nonbinary (they/them when gender doesn't matter -- and most of the time it doesn't; xe/xyr when it does), genderqueer (I have "me" things and "not-me" things, which are reasonably consistent and don't align other than by chance with anyone else's things or gender), and characterize myself as omnidemisexual (if we wind up knowing one another well enough to establish an emotional connection, we might decide we want to have sex -- in which case, I will figure out how we want to do it with you, and your body shape or gender won't matter to me).

Regarding the gender thing, I'm definitely in the "there are seven billion genders in the world, and I have one" camp. Even cisgender people all do their gender differently, and those ways are all valid gender expressions.

[firecat]

I like “omnidemisexual”. That’s mostly me in real life. My fantasy life is somewhat more gender focused. I agree cisgender people all do gender a little differently. It’s fascinating.

[ng_moonmoth]

Glad to hear you liked my sexual orientation descriptor, and that it fit. As for cisgender people doing gender "a little" differently, my impression is that it can be quite a bit differently. By way of example, there appears to be a decent cohort of men who evaluate "manliness" on a scale that awards points for the degree to which one smokes, drinks, fights, has sex, blows up/kills things (includes gun use), and thinks Jackass is funny. Nobody would ever confuse my dad with being anything other than a man, and he got maybe two and a half of that. And there are plenty of equally valid men I know in fandom who would score a big round zero on that checklist.

Yes, it's fascinating -- and frustrating, in roughly equal amounts. Frustrating in how many of them can accept how other gender-normative people do gender so readily, yet be so hostile to how gender-variant people do their gender. Maybe as our population grows, more of them will realize that our gender expression doesn't harm them or affect how they live their lives, and will decide to understand. (Yeah, right...)

[firecat]

Good point, “masculine” and “feminine” cover loads of territory. The stereotype you mention is why I can’t accurately say gender doesn’t factor into my attractions. I am not attracted to men who rack up a big score on that definition of “masculine”.

[silveradept]

Non-binary (they/them), present cismasc, possibly aromantic, interested in many different body types, which may or may not have specific genders attached to them.

Got as far as "not Abrahamic" before hitting a jam choice problem in the available options, leaning toward systems that provide will-working over detachment, would happily confiscate and redistribute wealth and power as many times as necessary to achieve a high standard of living for all persons.

[firecat]

What does aromantic mean to you, if you don’t mind sharing?

Yes, I could say my politics is “redistributive”

[silveradept]

I understand the concept, I even can do things that other people think are romantic. But falling in love or feeling romance toward others? No, I don't think I've had anything that I would think of as romantic attraction. (Sexual attraction to people? Yes, certainly. But not, as best I can tell, romance.)

[kore]

If I had been born a decade? later I almost certainly would've come out as genderqueer, possibly nonbinary. Cishet female also told most of my life I am Doing Being a Woman All Wrong and being six feet tall at thirteen didn't help that at all. I don't know if I have gender dysmorphia so much as being-corporeal dysmorphia, if that's even a thing. I live mostly in my head I guess. Crushing anxiety/OCD and depression, whoo! (finally diagnosed probably rightly as bipolar II after DECADES) Chronic health problems since childhood whee, alcoholic/addict, nonsmoker (which surprisingly comes up more often in super liberal Seattle than I would've thought). Wimpy agnostic/Buddhist/pantheist, sorta. Fiercely feminist and also capitalism sucks. Books are life.

[firecat]

I was 50 when I firmly grabbed on to “non-binary”, after decades of trying on other alternative gender labels such as “geek”.

I like living in my head a lot, too. It’s interesting in here!

Glad you have a diagnosis, hope it helps get you the right treatment. I know it’s a really difficult condition to manage.

[greghousesgf]

Cis female, her/she {bar}, hetero but I have a very arty androgynous non-conformist personality type. I have Asperger's, am an atheist, and I think the idea that there's magically a perfect pre-destined person for each individual on the planet is one of the most dangerous myths there is.

[firecat]

“Everyone has one true soulmate” is an idea that has puzzled me since childhood. I used to lie awake and think about it. “But what if they’re on the other side of the world? I’d never meet them! How come that doesn’t happen more often, people never meeting their One True Love?”

[greghousesgf]

There are millions of people who are in the wrong relationships, or no relationship, that doesn't mean those people can just be dismissed. Somebody I brought this up to went totally berserk on me, insisting that all those people must have something really wrong with them and somehow deserved to be unhappy. Some people will just cling to a delusion even if it doesn't do them any good.

[firecat]

insisting that all those people must have something really wrong with them and somehow deserved to be unhappy.

Wait, so according to this person, everyone has a soulmate — except people who have something really wrong with them and deserve to be unhappy?

They live in a really nasty universe.

[snippy]

She/her/hers; cis-woman. I think I have always been aromantic, and the last 10 years has diminished my libido (likely due to stress and grief). I'm still poly even though I have zero partners right now - I just can't imagine trying to be monogamous or asking a partner to. I'm fat and old and I am working on not caring what people think (but don't expect to succeed before I die). I'm a child abuse survivor, a Jew by choice, and unlike the stereotype I'm getting more progressive/socialist as I age.

[firecat]

I’ll ask you what I asked silveradept — what does aromantic mean to you?

Pretty sure at this point the polyamory way of thinking is enough ingrained in me that I’d be a bad match for someone who wanted a monogamous partner, even if all my partners went away.

[snippy]

To me it means my interest in other people is sometimes about sex, and sometimes about friendship, and sometimes about love, but very seldom about gazing into each other's eyes and holding hands, or going on a "date," or memorializing our relationship with flowers, or wanting those things from another person - or finding those things satisfying in some way. So I neither have a desire for romance nor do I find it rewarding.

[firecat]

I love gazing into each other’s eyes but don’t care about flowers and dates and anniversaries very much. I define romance as “a relationship that focuses on itself,” and I consider myself romantic because I like that element in a relationship. But maybe that is too idiosyncratic of a definition.

[contrarywise]

Proudly trans and bi/queer. If we have chemistry and mutual interest, the body bits will generally sort themselves out, esp. with sufficient communication and lube. He/him/his pronouns, generally monogamous but not anti-polyamory, fat, geeky, kinky, decidedly Pagan and hard polytheist since childhood (it has long been obvious to me that the Universe is run by committee), dedicated reader and unapologetic personal library-keeper with a Tarot deck problem (i.e. they keep creating more cool decks), fannish, podcast-listener, covered in yarn and cats, coffee and cider drinker (but not at the same time, eew), general weirdo, politically very Left. Bodies are cool, science is neat, Nature rules.

[firecat]

it has long been obvious to me that the Universe is run by committee

That does explain a lot…

And I have to work hard to keep my Tarot deck acquisition urges in check.

[duskpeterson]

Nonbinary (they/them), grey-asexual (with a queerplatonic companion), and a few other queernesses, but those are the main ones these days. Also, invisibly disabled, so I have to explain that one a lot to people.