firecat

...to draw some defining lines around the phrase "emotional extravagance."

In my brain, it's still a fuzzy concept of the "I know it when it irritates me" variety.

It's not just, or even primarily, about displaying emotions. It's also, or even more, about stuff like amplifying one's emotions, spending a lot of time and energy thinking about and talking about one's emotions, expecting/wanting other people to spend a lot of time thinking/talking about one's emotions, letting one's emotions be primary drivers of one's actions, letting one's emotions be primary determinants of the life story one carries around in one's head and tells others.

(All that stuff would be happening publicly/semi-publicly in order to count, since if it's happening only inside one's head, I wouldn't know about it and it wouldn't irritate me.)

Unpacking "amplifying one's emotions": In my experience, if I have a feeling of mild to moderate intensity, I can do three things: I can leave it alone, I can damp/suppress it (not snuff it completely, but lower its intensity), or I can increase it / whip it up. Amplifying an emotion would be deliberately increasing its intensity.

More as it occurs to me.

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From:

tedesson.livejournal.com

He wrote _Destructive Emotions: How can we overcome them?: A Scientific Dialogue with the Dalai Lama_

It is the report of a seminar conducted in the spring of 2000 where Western Scientists working in the areas of psychology, neurobiology, philosophy and other mind/brain sciences met with a group of Buddhist Monks, including the Dalai Lama, to discuss the different understandings they have of emotions.

I was impressed with the fine grained distinctions about emotions and the causes and effects of emotions that the monks were able to provide.

One of the images that sticks with me is that of the metaphor of the ocean. Negative emotions are like the storm waves on the ocean, moods are like tides, personality is like the currents, and the depths of the mind are like the depths of the ocean, calm and placid and not affected by the movement of the upper reaches very month.

Using this analogy, someone who is emotionally extravagant would deliberately whip up the waves at the surface.

I've known people who did that sort of intensification all the time. I usually call them drama queens, or people who enjoy chaos. I find being with them emotionally exhausting and frustrating. It's a particular sort of self deception which they want everyone to participate in.

Here's a newsletter which describes some strategies for dealing with people who may be like this:
http://www.psychologyforbusiness.com/DestructiveEmployees.htm

From:

firecat

That sounds like a great book.

In my experience, not all people who are emotionally extravagant are unaware of it, and the emotions generated are not all negative. I seem to have a problem with extravagance of positive emotions too.

But yes, self-deceptive drama queens are part of the group.

The newsletter is interesting. I've known a few people who vaguely fit the description provided, but I haven't seen business units ruined by such people. Then again, perhaps I wouldn't know, because I tend not to be the prey of choice for people like that.