firecat

When I get stressed in certain ways then I start getting a zillion messages per minute running through my head, all of which have the words "YOU SHOULD" in them.

If this happens to you too, how do you turn it off?

(There's no emergency. I just want to fix a bunch of things that I am not in a position to fix, although I might be able to influence them.)

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From:

outlier_lynn

Depends on circumstance causing the stress.

If I'm rubbing up against a deadline and it is looking like I'm not going to make it, I will go into a tight little spin of stress with ever decreasing productivity. As soon as I notice, I commit to a new deadline (letting everyone involved know about the change). That is almost always enough. Although, if I am missing the original deadline because I'm not thinking about the problem in a productive way, I need to switch to a different problem.

On the other hand, if the stress is happening because there is something I need to do (like having an uncomfortable conversation with someone) I'm procrastinating, I have to give up that there is something wrong. That always gives me an opening to handle the circumstance with grace and ease.

I'm not so consistent with giving up that something is wrong, though. :) Sometimes I really know that life should not be the way it is. When that happens I'm stuck until I get someone else to point it out to me.

I've become quite skilled at not scolding myself with shoulds. I still working on not scolding others, ;)

From:

firecat

I have to give up that there is something wrong.

This really speaks to me and the situation that was causing shoulds yesterday. (Someone I love was suffering; there was nothing more I could do to help in that precise moment.)

I wish that "giving up that there is something wrong" worked permanently but it seems that for some things I have to give it up over and over again.

From:

outlier_lynn

As much as I want to have everything settled and complete, it just does not seem to be in the nuture of life to be done with something. Giving up that something is wrong (or right, for that matter) just seems to be one of those things we are destined to do over and over.

I am pleased that I'm getting faster at noticing that I need to give up on some point of view.

That doesn't mean giving in to some circumstance, though. It just means that the way it is "right now" is the way it is right now. It is painful to be stewing about how something shouldn't be the way it is.